Many people think that the behavior of professional sportmen off the field is not important as long as they are good players. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #behavior #sportmen #field #players

Some

people

believe that it is not necessary for the professional

athlets

Correct your spelling

athletes

athlete

to behave well. In my opinion, successful

sportmen

Correct your spelling

sportsmen

should pay attention to their responses and attitudes toward events. It is my view that talented

sportmen

Correct your spelling

sportsmen

are often

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

role

model

Fix the agreement mistake

models

show examples

for other

people

especialy

Correct your spelling

especially

for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children. They should respect ethical values.

Teenager

Fix the agreement mistake

Teenagers

show examples

are easily affected by famous

peope

Correct your spelling

people

For instance

, children may

falow

Correct your spelling

fail

athlet's

Correct your spelling

athlete's

athlete

driving habit. In

such

cases, if that

sportman

Correct your spelling

sportsman

sportsmen

is careless about rules and

neglect

Correct subject-verb agreement

neglects

show examples

them, it can have detrimental impacts on other

individuals

Change noun form

individuals'

individual's

show examples

habits. Being addicted to a drug or not paying attention to the diet are other unacceptable

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

that can spread to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. From

financial

Correct article usage

a financial

show examples

view point

Correct your spelling

viewpoint

show examples

, sometimes, the

sportmen

Correct your spelling

sportsmen

participate in

Remove the article

apply

show examples

advertising. If they do not pay attention to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

other

people

's benefits and only consider their income, they may advertise some bad habits among

people

Therefore

, only being successful is not enough for a

sportman

Correct your spelling

sportsman

contrast

Add a comma

contrast,

show examples

some

people

claim that it is enough for famous

athlets

Correct your spelling

athletes

to perform well in their field and their

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

is not important.

Such

individuals are in believe that

athlets

Correct your spelling

athletes

are

paied

Correct your spelling

paid

money to have good performance in

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

. They are not responsible for ethical values. They insist that

sportmen

Correct your spelling

sportsmen

sportsman

should be free to do whatever they want. They say that if

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

athlet

Correct your spelling

athletes

loses

Correct subject-verb agreement

lose

show examples

their freedom, they may

becom

Correct your spelling

become

reluctant to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

life

Replace the word

live

show examples

because they should always be

controled

Correct your spelling

controlled

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society.

However

, I do not find

this

argument convincing as famous individuals have

considerable

Add an article

a considerable

show examples

role in other

people

's lives.

Therefore

, they should be

casious

Correct your spelling

cautious

about

thier

Correct your spelling

their

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

. In conclusion, I completely disagree with the claim that the

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

people

who are engaged in

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

is not important because these

people

have direct influences on others.

Submitted by fa.soleiman on Sun Sep 22 2024

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task achievement

While the essay provides a complete response to the prompt, more specific examples could strengthen the argument. Try to incorporate real-life instances or data to back up your claims.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While the logical flow is generally clear, more connective words or phrases could enhance coherence.

coherence cohesion

The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.

task achievement

You have successfully outlined your main points and supported them with reasonable arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
43Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people think that the behavior of professional sportmen off the field is not important as long as they are good players. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Lack of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing important. What problems dose this shortage cause? What measures could be taken to overcome these problems?

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where the local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantage?

Caring for children is very important for our society. Therefore all mother's and father's should take a child care training course. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more people want to buy famous brands in clothes cars and other items . What are the reasons behind this trend? Do you think it is a positive or negative development

Some people believe that to reduce industrial pollution, a tax should be imposed on companies, while others believe that different measures should be taken to solve the problem. Discuss both views and give your opinion.