IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Should long-term job seekers in receipt of government benefits be made to do voluntary work so that they give something back to the community?

#job #seekers #receipt #government #work #community
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Some
people
 think that
people
 who do not have jobs and get money from the government should do voluntary
work
 so that they can help the community. In my opinion, I agree with
this
 view because it can help them in many ways.
Firstly
, when
people
 do not have a job for a long time, they will feel depressed.
In other words
, they do not want to leave their home or mix with other
people
. In some cases,
this
 can affect their health because they will not be active. If they start doing voluntary
work
, they could have the chance to meet other
people
, and sometimes, they may use their skills to help society.
For example
, if English teachers do not have a job for a long time, they can teach children in poor areas as
a
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voluntary
work
, and
this
 will in fact help the community and the country, too.
Secondly
, it is not right for
people
 to receive money without doing anything. When the government helps individuals without jobs by giving them benefits, they should be thankful and help others around them. These benefits are not something that can be found easily in any country.
For instance
. In Saudi Arabi, when
people
 do not have a job, they can not do anything about it, and in some cases, they have to move to other countries to find one, but in the USA,
people
 are very lucky, and it is important for them to help others around them as a way to say thank you.
To sum up
, I once again reaffirm my position that
people
 who get benefits from the government should help society by doing voluntary
work
.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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development of ideas
Strengthen your argument by diversifying the examples and evidence you provide. While the example of English teachers volunteering provides a strong image, incorporating examples from different fields or societal needs could enrich your argument.
argument complexity
Increase the sophistication of your argument by addressing potential counterarguments. This could give your essay a more balanced view and demonstrate a higher level of critical thinking.
language precision
Work on the precision of your language to eliminate small inaccuracies or informal expressions, which could detract from the professionalism of your writing.
argument strength
You've made a strong case for the benefits of voluntary work for long-term job seekers, both for their personal development and for society.
structure
The structure of your essay is clear and logical, aiding the reader's comprehension.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Long-term job seekers
  • Government benefits
  • Voluntary work
  • Community service
  • Employability
  • Sense of purpose
  • Mental health
  • Stigma
  • Unemployed
  • Public funds
  • Positively impact
  • Community
  • Exploit
  • Vulnerable individuals
  • Devalue
  • Volunteerism
  • Informal contributions
  • Skill-matching
  • Beneficial and fulfilling
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