The best way to reduce, the amount of traftic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home to work, education or shopping. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is sometimes argued that reducing the demand for
people
to go to workplaces, schools or malls is the best way to decrease the number of transports
on Fix the agreement mistake
transport
the
city roads nowadays. Correct article usage
apply
While
there are some benefits to this
option, I partly disagree with this
notion due to
the risks it presents.
On the one
hand, the idea of encouraging people
to stay at home to solve the problem of traffic
is beneficial to some extent. Firstly
, the amount of emissions from vehicles can be
significantly decline.
In fact, Unnecessary verb
apply
one
of the most prevalent factors that cause global warming is from
the rocketing in Change preposition
apply
people
that
use personal transport. Correct pronoun usage
who
For example
, Ha Noi city which has a high percentage of private vehicles has a huge mass of fine dust in its atmosphere. Secondly
, development in online plattorms
is required for shopping online Correct your spelling
platforms
as well as
working and studying trom
home. That requirement, Correct your spelling
from
consequently
, can encourage the
innovations which are more convenient and advanced in technology.
Correct article usage
apply
On the other hand
, despite the above-mentioned advantages, I believe that this
opinion should not be applied. The main one
is that the need for travelling for work, study or shopping purposes is impractical to reduce. This
is because controveries
Correct your spelling
controversies
amomg
inhabitants will appear when they are forced to ease their indispensable demands. Correct your spelling
among
Additionally
, more social problems will increase as welI
. During the covid-19 pandemic, for Correct your spelling
well
one
, the proportion of divorce had raised
Verb problem
risen
due to
several causes, leading to a decline in the rate of national happiness. Instead
, facilitating public transport appears to be a superior alternative solution. For instance
, by investing excessly
in building elevated and underground railways, Japan has managed to reduce Correct your spelling
excessively
excess
traffic
volume considerably, easing congestion on roads.
In conclusion, it is futile trying to get people
to stay at home more for the sake of traffic
,
and investing in modern means of public transit would be a better remedy when it comes to alleviating Remove the comma
apply
traffic
.
It is suggested that governments around the world judiciously examine this
approach and consider the possibility of adopting it.Submitted by khanhhan13067 on
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task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing the topic and presenting arguments for and against the idea. However, you should elaborate more on the specific examples to strengthen your points. For instance, provide more details about how staying at home significantly reduces traffic or how public transportation improvements provide better solutions.
coherence cohesion
To achieve better coherence, work on ensuring each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next. Avoid abrupt transitions, such as the switch from discussing environmental benefits to online platforms. Link your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Provide clear, well-developed examples to support your points. The example of Ha Noi city and the COVID-19 pandemic are good starts but could benefit from additional details and a more direct connection to your main argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reinforces your stance on the issue.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets up the essay topic and presents the writer's stance.
logical structure
The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs dedicated to different aspects of the argument.
supported main points
You provided specific examples to support your arguments, such as public transportation in Japan and the environmental impact in Ha Noi city.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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