IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

The best way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home to work, education or shopping. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is sometimes argued that reducing the demand for
people
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 to go to workplaces, schools or malls is the best way to decrease the number of transport on city roads nowadays.
While
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 there are some benefits to
this
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 option, I partly disagree with
this
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 notion
due to
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 the risks it presents. On the
one
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 hand, the idea of encouraging
people
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 to stay at home to solve the problem of
traffic
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 is beneficial to some extent.
Firstly
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, the amount of emissions from vehicles can significantly decline. In fact,
one
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 of the most prevalent factors that cause global warming is the rocketing in
people
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 who use personal transport.
For example
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, Ha Noi city which has a high percentage of private vehicles has a huge mass of fine dust in its atmosphere.
Secondly
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, development in online platforms is required for shopping online
as well as
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 working and studying from home.
On the other hand
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, despite the above-mentioned advantages, I believe that
this
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 opinion should not be applied. The main
one
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 is that the need for travelling for work, study or shopping purposes is impractical to reduce.
This
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 is because controversies among inhabitants will appear when they are forced to ease their indispensable demands, causing more social problems as well. During the COVID-19 pandemic, for
one
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, the proportion of divorce had risen, leading to a decline in the rate of national happiness.
Instead
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, facilitating public transport appears to be a superior alternative solution.
For instance
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, by investing excessively in building elevated and underground railways, Japan has managed to reduce
traffic
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 volume considerably, easing congestion on roads. In conclusion, it is futile trying to get
people
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 to stay at home more for the sake of
traffic
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 and investing in modern means of public transit would be a better remedy when it comes to alleviating
traffic
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. It is suggested that governments around the world judiciously examine
this
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 approach and consider the possibility of adopting it.

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task achievement
You have addressed the task well by discussing both sides of the argument and providing your standpoint. However, try to develop your points a little more fully. For example, you can discuss in more detail how reducing travel needs could positively or negatively impact society.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is logically structured and easy to follow. Nevertheless, try to enhance the transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the overall flow. Using more linking words and phrases can help.
introduction and conclusion
Your introduction is clear and concise, setting up the framework for the discussion effectively. The conclusion is also strong and reiterates your viewpoint while suggesting a solution.
supported points
The main points are generally well-supported with relevant examples, such as the Hanoi city fine dust issue and Japan's public transport investment.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commuting patterns
  • Remote work
  • Telecommuting
  • E-learning platforms
  • E-commerce
  • Urban planning
  • Public transportation
  • Infrastructure development
  • Green spaces
  • Pedestrianization
  • Carbon footprint
  • Sustainable living
  • Carpooling
  • Cycle lanes
  • Mixed-use development
  • Teleconference
  • Urban sprawl
  • Zoning regulations
  • Traffic congestion
  • City logistics
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