IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Population are growing in cities rapidly. What are the effects of it. What solution can you give to maintain a good quality of life in urban cities.

#population #cities #effects #quality #life
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Urbanization is among the principal changeovers facing
people
Use synonyms
this
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 century and amount of
people
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 in the city is increasing dramatically.
This
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 essay will first suggest that
this
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 appears to lead to competition within the job market and
then
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 investigate villages as the most viable solution. One of the effects of
this
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 is that it seems to result in rivalry for the position because a lot of
people
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 are for one role.
Moreover
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,
this
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 appears to cause a huge traffic jam, even though there are many variations of transportation
such
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 as subway, bus and tram in the metropolitan area. What is more,
this
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 may give rise to the price of the flats, since there is a strong necessity for it.
For example
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, about 1 billion
people
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 enter Almaty city from the nearest towns from Monday till Friday who come to the job in urban cities with a high salary. A possible solution to
this
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 problem would be to develop other countries. Shopping malls,
such
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 as cinemas, theatres and
also
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 education centres could be built in regions, thereby stopping urbanization.
In addition
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, the Government ought to come forward with
this
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 issue by increasing the payments and providing opportunities for individuals, especially for teenagers to earn some extra money and to realize their goals concerning village development. In conclusion, urban sprawl may cause rush hour in the city and overpriced apartments offering poor living conditions.
Therefore
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, the government could improve the situation by industrialization of towns which helps
people
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 not to move to megalopolis pursuing career opportunities.
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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. Consider using more linking phrases and conjunctions.
task achievement
Elaborate on your points with more specific examples and clear explanations to make your arguments more compelling.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion well.
supported main points
The main points are generally supported with relevant examples, such as the reference to Almaty city.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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