In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience.
According to
some people
children
should be involved in paid work
and should be given responsibility from a young age, whereas
others consider that it is important for children
to allocate their time to education and improve skills
such
as fluent reading and problem-solving. This
essay will review both points of view and reveal my personal perspective.
Some people
state that it is important for children
to work
in paid jobs such
as construction and factories and some responsibilities have to be given to the young generation. Especially, this
obligation and responsibilities will play a significant role in the development of children
and will impact positively the growth of youngsters. It means that the youngsters will adapt to the hard tasks and jobs and while
they will they are maturing, they can make correct decisions in their work
, and it will improve their problem-solving skills
. Also
, by means of these practices, they will learn how to manage social and professional relationships with their colleagues and obtain higher positions among their peers.
On the other hand
, I do not completely agree with this
argument and think that education is the most crucial part of the success of children
, as there are some skills
and abilities that children
can only obtain in school. The discipline in the learning system is standard and by following the procedures of schools the adults will completely focus on their subjects and it will open for them the doors of broader opportunities as well. Facing unethical people
at young ages in workplaces can demotivate the youngsters but in schools and universities, they will only share the place with disciplined and well-educated people
such
as professors, teachers and tutors.
To sum up
, although
some people
think that paid work
is precious and is important in obtaining important experience for children
, I would support and agree that their study and educational achievements are more significant than their earned money. By means of education, not only they will be able to gain a higher salaries
but Correct the article-noun agreement
a higher salary
higher salaries
also
attain different positions such
as doctors which is impossible to get such
skills
when they start working at younger ages.Submitted by checkmyessay9 on
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task achievement
While your essay effectively addresses both perspectives on the issue, providing more specific examples would strengthen your argument. For instance, you could mention particular countries or situations where child labor has had positive or negative impacts.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. This helps maintain a logical flow across the essay, making it easier for readers to follow your arguments. For example, you could use transition phrases like "Furthermore" or "On the contrary" to show connections between points.
coherence cohesion
Review your sentence structure and word choice. Varying sentence lengths and beginning sentences with different words can make your writing more dynamic and engaging. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "It means that," try to use other expressions or sentence structures.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame your argument and provide a sense of closure.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You present your main points clearly and logically, ensuring that your central argument is easy to follow.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?