IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience.

#countries #children #work #people
The issue of
child
labour
 is a controversial one, and there are differing opinions on its implications. Some people view
child
labour
 as completely unacceptable,
while
 others see it as a valuable opportunity for
work
 experience. On one hand, those who argue that
child
labour
 is wrong
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
emphasize the potential negative impacts on
children
's development and well-being. They point out that paid
work
 robs
children
 of what makes childhood unique and beautiful,
also
, they are vulnerable and easily be taken advantage of by employers.
Additionally
,
children
 do manual
labour
 under conditions which can be dangerous to their health, and physical or emotional harm.
Moreover
, paid
work
 can interfere with a
child
’s education, depriving them of the opportunity to learn and develop skills that are crucial for their future.
Conversely
, some argue that paid
work
 can provide valuable experience and skills for
children
. In certain environments, starting to
work
 at a young age prepares you more adequately for adult life. It teaches
children
 to appreciate the value of hard
work
 and money. All summed up, I believe that the idea that
children
 should be concerned about some kind of paid
work
 is completely wrong.
Although
 some might argue that early
work
 experiences can prepare
children
 for adulthood, the loss of educational opportunities, the potential for exploitation, and the risk of physical and emotional harm make
child
labour
 an unacceptable practice. It is crucial to prioritize
children
's education and well-being, ensuring that they have the chance to grow, learn, and enjoy their childhood without the burden of paid
work
.
Submitted by checkmyessay9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your arguments. Mentioning real-life scenarios or statistical data can make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Use transitional phrases to link ideas and ensure a smoother reading experience. For example, phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Additionally,' and 'In contrast' can help.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, setting the context and summarizing the main points effectively.
logical structure
The arguments presented are logically structured, with clear distinctions between the two viewpoints on the issue.
complete response
Your essay addresses the task prompt fully, discussing both sides of the argument and presenting a well-rounded view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: