IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that one of the ways to solve environmental problems is to increase price of fuel for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #price #fuel #cars #vehicles
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 about
increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of fuel for
automobile
Fix the agreement mistake
automobiles
show examples
 and other vehicles in order to decrease environmental issues.
This
 essay totally agrees with that statement because
this
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 would reduce demand among residents and increase their usage
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
. On the one hand, there is a strong correlation between
rise
Add an article
the rise
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the value and
decline
Correct article usage
the decline
show examples
 in the
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
,
this
 is because it would affect in a direct way
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the people who can afford it and make them use
Add an article
a bicycle
the bicycle
show examples
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
 or
walking
Wrong verb form
walk
show examples
instead
 of these cars.
For example
, it has been shown that most people who
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
 in China
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
restrict their
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 fuel because
it
Add a verb
it is
it was
show examples
 expensive for most nations.
On the other hand
, the implementation of that
rising
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 would make most
inhabitant
Change to a plural noun
inhabitants
show examples
 use public transportation as
subway
Correct article usage
the subway
show examples
 and
taxy
Correct your spelling
taxis
 which contribute to
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 the effects of
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
gasoline. Establishing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
various types of public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 in countries
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 essential because they would not
quiet
Correct your spelling
quit
show examples
 using that if there
is
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 no
substitute
Fix the agreement mistake
substitutes
show examples
.
For instance
, a recent study showed that developed countries provided a lot
that
Change preposition
of
show examples
 transportation which in a direct relationship led to
decline
Add an article
a decline
the decline
show examples
 in the number of individuals who use their own cars. In conclusion, I completely agree with that, because in my opinion I prefer to start with straightforward steps
such
 as
raise in
Wrong verb form
raising
show examples
 the price and
provide to
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 them
different
Change preposition
with different
show examples
 types of substitutions
as a result
 that would decrease
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
usage and increase their awareness about
risks
Correct article usage
the risks
show examples
 of that gasoline of plants and animals.
Submitted by rraghad.b on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To improve task response, make sure to provide clearer examples and explanations to support your points. While you have provided some examples, they could be more relevant and detailed.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, try to improve the logical flow between your sentences and paragraphs. Use more linking words and phrases to make your essay smoother and more connected.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
task response
You have made an effort to support your main points with examples and explanations, which helps to clarify your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: