When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

With the advancement of
technology
, the
cultures
and
traditions
of many countries tend to get left behind.
In addition
,
bare
Correct article usage
the bare
show examples
minimum effort is shown to preserve said
cultures
. I personally disagree with
this
course of action. The wave of upcoming and aspiring
technology
that promises numerous new opportunities is quickly adapted into the norms of society, and people generally get distracted
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
the transition to the modern era of gadgets and gimmicks that could simplify the challenges they face daily. Whilst it is important to keep up with the ever-evolving innovations of today's world, the
traditions
and
cultures
of the past help make a name for ethnic groups with their distinctive capabilities and actions.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, the measures and
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
of action that could help conserve these
traditions
might take a tremendous amount of effort and
toleration
Replace the word
tolerance
show examples
between one another.
Traditions
and
cultures
that once
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
staple and unique to a certain group become less and less familiar with the generations that follow, mostly
due to
the
traditions
not being passed down and being less practiced. Resulting in a younger generation uninformed and unfamiliar with the
traditions
they were supposed to maintain the uniqueness of. Consequences of
this
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
could result in
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
show examples
of the
cultures
that have been passed down since the dawn of time, even if it might be sealed into the history books and museums it would be a sad reality to see the distinct
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
of various ethnic groups disappear with the emergence of
technology
. In Conclusion, keeping up with the future innovations of
technology
is just as important as preserving the
traditions
and
cultures
of the past.
Besides
, it would not be pleasant to see the disappearance of
cultures
that hold immense value to a certain group.
Submitted by millionmiles.indonesia on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. For instance, referencing particular traditions or technologies could make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
task achievement
Work on refining your main points to ensure they are fully developed and articulated. A little more depth in your arguments can improve the overall clarity and comprehensiveness.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate smoother transitions between paragraphs for better flow and cohesion. Ensuring a logical progression of ideas can enhance the overall readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider linking your paragraphs more explicitly to the central thesis to improve cohesion. Reiterating how each point ties back to your main argument could make the essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well. This is good for achieving coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The main ideas are articulated clearly and support your stance, which is essential for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancement
  • Efficiency
  • Global connectivity
  • Cultural identity
  • Diversity
  • Innovation
  • Coexist
  • Sustainable
  • Eco-friendly
  • Energy-intensive
  • Practical skills
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Homogenize
  • Preservation
  • Global diversity
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