The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

#rise #world #population #humanity #time

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At the moment there are more than eight billion humans in the entire world.

This

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is probably the main

problem

Use synonyms

we are facing nowadays.Analyzing why improvements in medical and technological fields lead to

this

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situation.Sadly,

this

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is the most challenging issue we have ever faced as a society, more than all famines and wars combined.

Firstly

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, the development of medical treatments enlarged life expectations.

According to

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data, people

this

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century live on average ten years more than in the previous one.

As a result

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, it is more common to arrive at 80 or even 90 years old.

In addition

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, the reduction of child mortality is

also

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playing a role in

this

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escalation.

Secondly

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, the rise of technology results in more availability of resources.

For instance

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, we have no

problem

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finding food in supermarkets,

in contrast

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to our ancestors, who used to fight for supplies.Reaching the calorie intake was in fact, a

problem

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and a lot of people died from hunger in the past.

However

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, now it is almost impossible to run out of food in developed countries, meaning people are dying less frequently, contributing to the upward trend of the population. In conclusion,

this

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uncontrolled growth is certainly a

problem

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that needs to be solved as soon as possible.I totally agree that

this

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is the most difficult challenge humans have ever faced.

Moreover

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, I can't imagine a bright future in front of us, I indeed think

this

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may lead us to mass extinction since our planet's resources are limited.

Submitted by alessandro.talese on Mon Sep 23 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each sentence is complete and clear. For example, 'Analyzing why improvements in medical and technological fields lead to this situation.' is a fragment and needs to be rephrased for clarity.

task achievement

Expand on the causes discussed with more specific examples and data. This will help to illustrate and support your points more effectively.

task achievement

Consider expanding your analysis of why this population rise might be the greatest problem humanity faces, possibly by comparing it with other global issues in more detail.

coherence cohesion

Use transition words and phrases more effectively to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, use words like 'Therefore,' 'Moreover,' and 'Similarly' to enhance coherence.

coherence cohesion

The essay presents clear main ideas, and there is a logical structure to the argument.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion succinctly reiterates the thesis and gives a strong final impression.

task achievement

The essay includes relevant points about improvements in medical treatments and technology affecting population growth, addressing the task prompt directly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

242 words

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The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many countries, it is common for people to consume fast food. However, some people believe that fast food has too much influence on our lifestyle and die. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Do you think this is a positive or a negative development？ give reasons for your answer and iclude any relevant examples from your own knowledge or exprienced

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement

The best way to solve the traffic congestion in the city is to provide free public transport 24 hours a day, seven days a week. To what extent do you agree or disagree?