The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

At the moment there are more than eight billion humans in the entire world.
This
is probably the main
problem
we are facing nowadays.Analyzing why improvements in medical and technological fields lead to
this
situation.Sadly,
this
is the most challenging issue we have ever faced as a society, more than all famines and wars combined.
Firstly
, the development of medical treatments enlarged life expectations.
According to
data, people
this
century live on average ten years more than in the previous one.
As a result
, it is more common to arrive at 80 or even 90 years old.
In addition
, the reduction of child mortality is
also
playing a role in
this
escalation.
Secondly
, the rise of technology results in more availability of resources.
For instance
, we have no
problem
finding food in supermarkets,
in contrast
to our ancestors, who used to fight for supplies.Reaching the calorie intake was in fact, a
problem
and a lot of people died from hunger in the past.
However
, now it is almost impossible to run out of food in developed countries, meaning people are dying less frequently, contributing to the upward trend of the population. In conclusion,
this
uncontrolled growth is certainly a
problem
that needs to be solved as soon as possible.I totally agree that
this
is the most difficult challenge humans have ever faced.
Moreover
, I can't imagine a bright future in front of us, I indeed think
this
may lead us to mass extinction since our planet's resources are limited.
Submitted by alessandro.talese on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each sentence is complete and clear. For example, 'Analyzing why improvements in medical and technological fields lead to this situation.' is a fragment and needs to be rephrased for clarity.
task achievement
Expand on the causes discussed with more specific examples and data. This will help to illustrate and support your points more effectively.
task achievement
Consider expanding your analysis of why this population rise might be the greatest problem humanity faces, possibly by comparing it with other global issues in more detail.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases more effectively to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, use words like 'Therefore,' 'Moreover,' and 'Similarly' to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents clear main ideas, and there is a logical structure to the argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly reiterates the thesis and gives a strong final impression.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant points about improvements in medical treatments and technology affecting population growth, addressing the task prompt directly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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