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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned be¬cause of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that
advertisements
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 targeting
children
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 have more drawbacks, and
therefore
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, they should be banned. I completely agree with
this
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 statement
due to
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 both
health
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 and economic reasons. The adverse effects of advertising on
children
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 are undeniable.
This
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 is because advertising can lead
children
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 to unhealthy eating habits, particularly through food and beverage commercials. In order to maximize revenue, companies often use celebrities or public figures to promote their products and attract
children
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.
Consequently
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, many
children
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 want to imitate what their idols eat, without considering the negative impact on their
health
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. In many developing countries, childhood obesity is a growing issue caused by the consumption of unhealthy food and drinks.
Therefore
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, stricter regulations on
such
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advertisements
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 are essential to protect
children
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’s
health
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.
Moreover
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, advertising aimed at
children
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also
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 has financial drawbacks for families. When
children
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 desire sports gear or other items they see in commercials, parents may feel pressured to spend money they might not have. Luxury goods promoted through
advertisements
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 are often expensive, and only families from higher-income brackets can afford them.
For example
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, many
children
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 want to wear jerseys endorsed by sports stars from brands like Adidas or Nike.
As a result
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, parents may have to turn to loans or spend significant amounts of money to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their
children
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’s desires.
Hence
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, banning
such
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advertisements
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 is crucial. In conclusion,
although
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advertisements
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 targeting
children
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 may offer some benefits, their negative effects are far greater. The promotion of unhealthy products to
children
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 can lead to
health
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 issues like poor diets and obesity,
while
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also
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 creating financial burdens for parents. For these reasons, banning these
advertisements
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 is necessary.

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task achievement
Ensure the examples provided are diverse and address different aspects of the argument to strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Although the logical flow is good, consider using more linking words to further enhance coherence between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the argument.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported by relevant examples and they effectively address the topic.
task achievement
The ideas are clearly presented and easy to follow, making the argument compelling.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • vulnerability
  • impressionability
  • developmental stage
  • critical thinking
  • marketing tactics
  • dietary choices
  • childhood obesity
  • materialism
  • consumerism
  • parental control
  • consumption
  • advertising literacy
  • interpret
  • outright ban
  • economic repercussions
  • media outlets
  • ad revenue
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