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Band 6

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do disadvantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages.

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
First of all, there is no doubt in my mind that
this
 situation in which teen adults have a great number of existence compared with older' is more beneficial for society. I would like to explain why young nations are more important with my relevant examples.
To begin
 with the developments, at the moment, the world we live in needs more innovations to look forward to which from my point of view, the only
people
 who can do it are
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
. It is quite hard to change older' thoughts and the most important thing for creation is an open mind which is why old
people
 are not able to do it. In fact, they always intend to move the way they know. As for body conditions, younger have more energy to take action. Even elders have a great brain to think really efficiently, unfortunately, they have no power to get those actions done.
For instance
, my grandfather was a wise person with his brilliant ideas but he used to have no ability because of his illness.
Last
 but not least, I want to mention about fertilising. Developing countries need more
people
 and as you know older are not able to reproduce, they certainly need younger
for
Correct pronoun usage
ones for
show examples
 it. More number of
people
 means more occupation power and more power means more money for governments. All in all, it seems to me that if we calculate all the pros and cons, I am inclined to believe the advantages of young
people
' are outweigh than disadvantages.
Submitted by fatmanurdonertas on

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task achievement
Ensure that both sides of the argument (advantages and disadvantages) are discussed before concluding; only one side is clearly presented here.
introduction and conclusion
Include a clear introductory paragraph that outlines the essay structure and a conclusion that succinctly summarizes the main points and states your position.
supported main points
Work on the development of paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting sentences that are fully elaborated and exemplified.
logical structure
Create a more logical flow of ideas by organizing paragraphs and ideas in a way that builds the argument progressively.
coherence
Utilize a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to enhance the connections between ideas and paragraphs for better readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
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