IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

There are an increasing number of serious crime committed each year. while some people say the best way would be to use the death penalty as deterrent, many people say that other measures will be needed. discuss both views and give opinoin.

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Crime rates are rising on an annual basis. Some
people
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 believe that the Government must execute the offenders to stop
others
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 from committing the same act,
while
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,
Others
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 suggest that a disciplinary process could be done.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and give my opinion. On the one hand, Individuals who support the execution idea, think it is a clear message to the public
as well as
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 to murderers that major crimes like killing or repping are unacceptable in the
community
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,
Moreover
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, if the citizens witnessed
this
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 punishment on murderers they will be a fried from committing the same thing and get the same distant.
For example
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, in Golf countries the government would kill
people
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 who have killed
others
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 to scare society and prevent them from doing
such
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 a thing.
On the Other hand
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,
people
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 against the death penalty, think it is useless if they were killed without learning from their mistakes
instead
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 they can have another chance throughout rehabilitation and become effective members of the
community
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.
For instance
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, In the USA prisoners attend many activities related to
community
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 services like park cleanup and animal shelter. Which In my opinion would be a better option because it helps them engage more easily in society if they wish to return to work in the future In conclusion, A lot of individuals agree that
people
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 who commit murders must be killed because it suppresses other individuals by alarming them about the consequences of their actions,
Others
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 think that giving them a second chance is essential for the public and they can be helpful in the
community
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.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction presents the topic clearly and sets a good context for the discussion to follow. Currently, it's quite brief.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on the examples mentioned. For instance, explain more about how rehabilitation in the USA impacts crime rates or offenders' reintegration.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transition between ideas to ensure a smoother flow. Use linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument, giving a balanced view before stating an opinion, which is important in a discussion essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and ties back to the topic, providing a strong closing.
task achievement
Examples are provided to support arguments, such as the mention of Gulf countries and the USA, which helps to substantiate your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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