Many people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars or riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Every year many
people
die in road
accidents. Therefore
, voices are present that the bast
way to improve Correct your spelling
best
safety
on the roads is to increase to minimum legal age for drivers
. However
, in my opinion, young drives
do not constitute the core of the problem and much more significant steps must be taken to achieve Correct your spelling
drivers
road
safety
.
There have been many reasons for which young drivers
should not be consider
as dangerous on the Change the verb form
be considered
road
. First and foremost, drivers
that have just passed driving
licence test are more careful Correct article usage
the driving
then
others, since they are not familiar with the Replace the word
than
road
infrastructure. If you are a youth you don’t feel as comfortable driving the car as older drivers
,
since you don’t have enough experience, Remove the comma
apply
thus
, you try to drive as safe
as possible. Change the word
safely
Furthermore
, people
who have just passed their drivers
test have a clear understanding of the Change noun form
driver's
road
rules. It means that in order to get your drivers
licence you Change noun form
driver's
had
to learn all the principles of Wrong verb form
have
the
traffic movement, Correct article usage
apply
consequently
, you do your best to obey them.
On the other hand
, I believe that much more important steps have to be done
to limit the number of Verb problem
taken
road
accidents. Since the
most deaths Correct article usage
apply
is
caused by drunk Change the verb form
are
people
, driving after drinking alcohol should be more strictly enforced. Therefore
, more drastic punishment should be used for people
who drive their vehicle
drunk. Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
Secondly
, more speed cameras should be use
. If there is a greater possibility Change the verb form
be used
to be
caught speeding, Change preposition
of being
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
people
will decide to break speed limits, which will positively contribute to the
Correct article usage
apply
road
safety
.
In conclusion, in my opinion
the increase of minimum legal age for Add a comma
opinion,
drivers
will not reduce the number of car accidents as young drivers
are careful and familiar with rules. Other actions such
as higher punishment for drunk-driving
and more often use of speed cameras should have been done to increase Correct your spelling
drunk driving
safety
on the road
.Submitted by kuba.glogowski on
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task achievement
The task response is fairly comprehensive, but it could be improved by addressing potential counterarguments and deeper analysis. Try to explore more dimensions of the argument.
task achievement
There are some grammar and word choice issues that affect clarity. It’s helpful to proofread or have someone review your writing before submission.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer, more consistent logical structure. Ensure there's a clear progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure all points are clearly tied back to the main argument. Occasionally, the essay loses focus or jumps between ideas without clear transitions.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally supported with reasons and examples, which helps in elucidating the argument.
task achievement
Effort has been made to discuss alternative solutions to road safety, enhancing the depth of the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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