IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars or riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Every year many
people
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 die in
road
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 accidents.
Therefore
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, voices are present that the
bast
Correct your spelling
best
show examples
 way to improve
safety
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 on the roads is to increase to minimum legal age for
drivers
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.
However
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, in my opinion, young
drives
Correct your spelling
drivers
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 do not constitute the core of the problem and much more significant steps must be taken to achieve
road
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safety
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. There have been many reasons for which young
drivers
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 should not
be consider
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be considered
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 as dangerous on the
road
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. First and foremost,
drivers
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 that have just passed
driving
Correct article usage
the driving
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 licence test are more careful
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then
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than
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 others, since they are not familiar with the
road
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 infrastructure. If you are a youth you don’t feel as comfortable driving the car as older
drivers
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,
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apply
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 since you don’t have enough experience,
thus
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, you try to drive as
safe
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safely
show examples
 as possible.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 who have just passed their
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drivers
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driver's
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 test have a clear understanding of the
road
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 rules. It means that in order to get your
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drivers
Change noun form
driver's
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 licence you
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 to learn all the principles of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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traffic movement,
consequently
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, you do your best to obey them.
On the other hand
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, I believe that much more important steps have to be
done
Verb problem
taken
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 to limit the number of
road
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 accidents. Since
the
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apply
show examples
most deaths
is
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are
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 caused by drunk
people
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, driving after drinking alcohol should be more strictly enforced.
Therefore
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, more drastic punishment should be used for
people
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 who drive their
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
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 drunk.
Secondly
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, more speed cameras should
be use
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be used
show examples
. If there is a greater possibility
to be
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of being
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 caught speeding,
less
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fewer
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people
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 will decide to break speed limits, which will positively contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
road
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safety
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. In conclusion, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 the increase of minimum legal age for
drivers
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 will not reduce the number of car accidents as young
drivers
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 are careful and familiar with rules. Other actions
such
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 as higher punishment for
drunk-driving
Correct your spelling
drunk driving
show examples
 and more often use of speed cameras should have been done to increase
safety
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 on the
road
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.

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task achievement
The task response is fairly comprehensive, but it could be improved by addressing potential counterarguments and deeper analysis. Try to explore more dimensions of the argument.
task achievement
There are some grammar and word choice issues that affect clarity. It’s helpful to proofread or have someone review your writing before submission.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer, more consistent logical structure. Ensure there's a clear progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure all points are clearly tied back to the main argument. Occasionally, the essay loses focus or jumps between ideas without clear transitions.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally supported with reasons and examples, which helps in elucidating the argument.
task achievement
Effort has been made to discuss alternative solutions to road safety, enhancing the depth of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • minimum legal age
  • increase road safety
  • maturity
  • rash decision-making
  • cognitive functions
  • risky behavior
  • traffic congestion
  • urban areas
  • core issues
  • proper training
  • adherence to traffic rules
  • road conditions
  • vehicle maintenance
  • stricter driving tests
  • enhancing road safety
What to do next:
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