Today, people are getting greedy and selfish. Some people argue that we should go back the old days and show respect for the family and community, so that we can make the world a better place to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is true that people become more self-centred and greedy nowadays,
due to
the new lifestyles which are common in current times. I believe that having a respectful manner and a solidarity family bond could be taken to reduce some isolation and would make life better.
On the one hand, new members of society
prefer to be more self-centred, however
, there are main factors that influence their attitude, for example
, people have to spend most of their time alone due to
their current lifestyles, huge numbers of youngsters have to immigrate for seeking job opportunities abroad and live in isolation, so this
type of living make them be more selfish because their society
is contributed from just themselves. moreover
, social media and other communities encourage these types of attitudes more than before.
On the other hand
, to have productive communication and a positive role in society
, I suppose it will be better to continue the ancient approach. many years ago, the number of mental health problems was lower than now, therefore
, valuable traditions must have existed in the past which now are not available. Being polite and acting in a respectful manner, also
caring about our close friends and relatives, all together could be taken to tackle individualism. Additionally
, these measures are vital to have perfect communication and interact with community members in a healthy way.
In conclusion, I believe that by having ancient manners towards people who are against individualism, society
will be a better and more comfortable place to live in.Submitted by ostorr7213 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task quite well by discussing the issues of greed and selfishness in contemporary society, and proposing a return to respectful manners and family bonds. Try to include more specific examples to further support your main points, as it will make your argument more robust.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and relevant, but some points need further development to thoroughly convey your perspective. Consider elaborating more on how specific ancient traditions could improve modern life.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is mostly well-organized, there are a few instances where the logical flow can be improved. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and that all ideas are clearly tied together.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and use of conjunctions. Some run-on sentences disrupt the flow. Breaking them into shorter, clearer sentences will enhance readability.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
logical structure
You make a good attempt to address both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced perspective.
supported main points
You have a clear main idea in each paragraph, which helps in keeping your essay focused and coherent.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.