Some people think that work is the most important thing in a person's life. Without the success of a career, life becomes meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
From a very young age, we are frequently asked: «Who will you work as when you become an adult? ». Most people tend to think that professional activity is the core of
individual’s
value for society. Correct article usage
an individual’s
Moreover
, being successful and wealthy takes as
the biggest achievement in Verb problem
is
life
. In my opinion, a person should not be judged or «price-tagged» merely by their success in a working sphere. There are multiple other things which should be considered.
Initially
, career
should not be Correct article usage
a career
labeled
as a Change the spelling
labelled
key-stone
part of our Correct your spelling
keystone
life
, since it cannot guarantee a person’s happiness. In particular
, by dedicating the
most of our time to Correct article usage
apply
pursue
a better career opportunity, some of the most valuable aspects might be missed. Wrong verb form
pursuing
For example
, in Paustovsky's story «Telegram», the author narrates about a woman who fully devoted herself to her work. Unfortunately, the heroine realizes too late that she could not
dedicate time to her family Wrong verb form
cannot
while
there was
a chance. Katherina despises herself for not being a proper daughter. Wrong verb form
is
This
example tells us that we should not be blinded by the desire to be successful but appreciate what we already have.
Secondly
, the constant overworking and pressure on yourself may lead to a
Correct article usage
apply
burn-out
. Correct your spelling
burnout
The society
usually treats the person for its impact in Correct article usage
Society
working
sphere ignoring his or her feelings. The attempt to meet the requirements of other’s approval can become a burden which prevents an individual Correct article usage
the working
to live
their own Change preposition
from living
life
. For instance
, a young professional may sacrifice their personal relationships and mental well-being in pursuit of career success, only to find themselves exhausted and unfulfilled, unable to truly enjoy the fruits of their labor
.
In general, having a high-paying job should not be the only goal on the path, as it does not guarantee happiness and Change the spelling
labour
life
satisfaction.Submitted by dulskywork on
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introduction
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay, but the essay would benefit from a clearer thesis statement that succinctly states your position.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence. This helps in maintaining coherence and guiding the reader through your argument.
task response
While the example from Paustovsky’s story is relevant, it may not be known to all readers. Including a brief explanation or choosing a more universally known example could strengthen your argument.
coherence
Some sentences need clarity and grammatical correction. For instance: "Moreover, being successful and wealthy takes as the biggest achievement in life." could be revised to "Moreover, being successful and wealthy is often regarded as the greatest achievement in life."
task response
The essay effectively communicates the idea that career success should not be the sole measure of one’s worth or happiness.
task response
Each main point is supported with relevant examples, making your argument stronger.
coherence
The essay maintains a logical structure with clear paragraphs, making it easy to follow the main points.