IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that work is the most important thing in a person's life. Without the success of a career, life becomes meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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From a very young age, we are frequently asked: «Who will you work as when you become an adult? ». Most people tend to think that professional activity is the core of
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
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 value for society.
Moreover
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, being successful and wealthy
takes as
Verb problem
is
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 the biggest achievement in
life
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, a person should not be judged or «price-tagged» merely by their success in a working sphere. There are multiple other things which should be considered.
Initially
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,
career
Correct article usage
a career
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 should not be
labeled
Change the spelling
labelled
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 as a
key-stone
Correct your spelling
keystone
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 part of our
life
Use synonyms
, since it cannot guarantee a person’s happiness.
In particular
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, by dedicating
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most of our time to
pursue
Wrong verb form
pursuing
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 a better career opportunity, some of the most valuable aspects might be missed.
For example
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, in Paustovsky's story «Telegram», the author narrates about a woman who fully devoted herself to her work. Unfortunately, the heroine realizes too late that she
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 dedicate time to her family
while
Linking Words
 there
was
Wrong verb form
is
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 a chance. Katherina despises herself for not being a proper daughter.
This
Linking Words
 example tells us that we should not be blinded by the desire to be successful but appreciate what we already have.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the constant overworking and pressure on yourself may lead to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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burn-out
Correct your spelling
burnout
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.
The society
Correct article usage
Society
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 usually treats the person for its impact in
working
Correct article usage
the working
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 sphere ignoring his or her feelings. The attempt to meet the requirements of other’s approval can become a burden which prevents an individual
to live
Change preposition
from living
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 their own
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a young professional may sacrifice their personal relationships and mental well-being in pursuit of career success, only to find themselves exhausted and unfulfilled, unable to truly enjoy the fruits of their
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
. In general, having a high-paying job should not be the only goal on the path, as it does not guarantee happiness and
life
Use synonyms
 satisfaction.

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introduction
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay, but the essay would benefit from a clearer thesis statement that succinctly states your position.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence. This helps in maintaining coherence and guiding the reader through your argument.
task response
While the example from Paustovsky’s story is relevant, it may not be known to all readers. Including a brief explanation or choosing a more universally known example could strengthen your argument.
coherence
Some sentences need clarity and grammatical correction. For instance: "Moreover, being successful and wealthy takes as the biggest achievement in life." could be revised to "Moreover, being successful and wealthy is often regarded as the greatest achievement in life."
task response
The essay effectively communicates the idea that career success should not be the sole measure of one’s worth or happiness.
task response
Each main point is supported with relevant examples, making your argument stronger.
coherence
The essay maintains a logical structure with clear paragraphs, making it easy to follow the main points.
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