In some cultures, childrens are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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These days, we can see different areas have various cultures owing to the fact that climate, land, and so on have an effect on costumes.

For instance

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, some of them teach children the thing

that is

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really crucial to attending things that you want is that working hard.

While

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these kinds of massages have benefits, I still believe that they cannot overshadow the drawbacks. On the one hand, hardworking massage has several merits.

Firstly

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, when the young generations know the best way to obtain their goals is to work hard and spend both money and time on them

instead

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of spending their time on other facts that are not important.

Secondly

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this

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tip sends them a message that if you do not focus on the one thing you are not able to have them owing to the fact that you are not trying for them, so the best choice to achieve them is working hard.

On the other hand

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, the demerits of

this

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kind of tip are varied. On the one side, if young people invest a great deal of not only time but

also

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money in aims and they cannot achieve them, they will get

this

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message that hard is not work and it is

falt

Correct your spelling

a fair

show examples

way. On the other side, some objectives are unrealities and inhabitants cannot achieve them today, like either living on other planets or travelling to Mars

while

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these children want to attend;

however

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, in these

Fix the agreement mistake

societies

show examples

society

Add a comma

society,

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the older ones have to mention that some aims are not real and they cannot catch them.

To sum up

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, working hard is the main factor for achieving a range of goals, but it is essential that we know chance and our technology have a lot of influence on our aim;

hence

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, In my opinion, the good points of

this

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message cannot eclipse the bad points.

Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on Mon Sep 23 2024

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task achievement

Your essay shows a good effort in addressing the topic. However, ensure the introduction clearly outlines the perspectives discussed later. For example, you could specify that you will discuss both advantages and disadvantages before expressing your opinion.

coherence and cohesion

Strengthen the logical flow by clearly connecting your points between paragraphs. Use transitional phrases and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the one before it.

task achievement

Develop your main points with more relevant examples and detailed explanations. It will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.

coherence and cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion clearly. This helps reinforce your argument.

task achievement

You have acknowledged both the benefits and drawbacks of the message, showing a balanced approach to discussing the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

308 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

inspiration
motivation
work ethic
resilience
self-confidence
self-worth
unrealistic expectations
disappointment
frustration
self-esteem
pressure
anxiety
individual effort
collaboration
social support
systemic factors
talent
opportunity
luck

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In some cultures, childrens are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Fully explain your ideas

Wite about the following topic: The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why this might be the case? Do you think this is positive or ngative situation? Write atleast 250 words

In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is to increase the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are also required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The picture shows the process of making wool. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.