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Band 3

Some people believe that teenagers should always follow the example of the older people. Others believe that teenagers should question what older people say. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #teenagers
Old
people
 are the
once
Correct your spelling
ones
show examples
 who have experienced life more than anyone else. They know a
lot
 of
stuff
 that
teenagers
 do not know.
teenagers
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young souls who are trying to learn more and more about life,
therefore
, they might do a
lot
 of wrong
stuff
 that older
people
 should tell them what to do.
Firstly
, in the meantime,
teenagers
 are experiencing a
lot
 of new
stuff
 that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 coming up,
Correct word choice
and these
show examples
these
Change the determiner
this stuff
show examples
stuff
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 you so much in
studies
Correct pronoun usage
your studies
show examples
 and makes a
kot
Correct your spelling
lot
 of things easier. But for older
people
 they don'
t
 know a
lot
 of the new technology and other
stuff
 so they won'
t
 be able to know if it's right or
Fot
Correct your spelling
For
 example, when phones were just being sold everywhere, a
lot
 of families from
saudi
Change the capitalization
Saudi
show examples
 didn'
t
 allow
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 kids to have phones,
due to
 the wrong
stuff
 they heard about phones. They didn'
t
kmow
Correct your spelling
know
 that it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 help them talk to
eachothers
Correct your spelling
each other
 from
hunderds
Correct your spelling
hundreds
 of miles away.
In other words
, if the older
people
 were talking about things they know about
such
 as love or hard work or living your younger life correctly
teenagers
 must listen to them. But if they're talking about things they don'
t
 understand,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 don'
t
 think you should be listening to them.
However
, even if you don'
t
 want to listen to them, you always have to respect them.
Submitted by h9715823 on

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to include these to give your essay a clear structure.
logical structure
Improve your logical structure by organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should cover a single main point.
relevant specific examples
Provide more relevant and specific examples to back up your points. It will help in achieving a higher task response score.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure your ideas are clearly and comprehensively expressed. Avoid fragmented sentences and improve your grammatical range and accuracy.
complete response
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of both sides of the argument, which is important for task achievement.
supported main points
You've made an effort to acknowledge the perspectives of both teenagers and older people, showing a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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