IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think computer and internet are important in children's study , but other think students can learn effectively in school and with teachers . Discuss both sides and give your own opinion .

#people #computer #internet #children #study #students #school #teachers
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Thousands of years have passed, and still, the best way of learning is by writing what you learn. So,
this
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 information leads us to the fact that using
computers
Use synonyms
 and the Internet in studies is actually a bad idea.
For example
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, in math or chemistry, it is impossible to learn without writing. but there are a few points to mention about
this
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 question.
Firstly
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, when I say that learning without
computers
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 is better, I don'
t
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 mean that we shouldn'
t
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 use them, because they can help you write your essays or do school projects.
Moreover
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, in some subjects using
computers
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 is really useless
such
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 as math or chemistry , but in other subjects, it is very important
such
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 as computer science.
Therefore
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, you have to be more specific about the question.
However
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, learning mostly depends on the way you like to learn, some people can learn only by writing, and some love to use
computers
Use synonyms
.
In other words
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, it is about the way that you like to learn no matter what anybody thinks, do what you want to do.
In addition
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, learning could be so hard for some children. when the parents don'
t
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 look after their
child
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's studies, it becomes really hard for the
child
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 to learn at school.
Moreover
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, not all subjects could be understood easily.
For example
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, how could a
child
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 learn about the internet if he doesn'
t
Use synonyms
 use the internet at his home? That's why sometimes it doesn'
t
Use synonyms
 matter how you learn, what matters is the care of both parents in the
child
Use synonyms
's study.
Submitted by h9715823 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument; however, it's important to develop your points with more depth and clarity. Try to provide more detailed examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer structure. Ensure that each paragraph contains one main idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next. Try using more transitional phrases to link your points.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a basic introduction and body, it lacks a proper conclusion. Summarize your main points and provide a clear statement of your personal opinion in the concluding paragraph.
task achievement
You cover both sides of the argument, providing some balance to your discussion.
task achievement
You show the ability to consider different perspectives, which is important in an essay of this type.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital literacy
  • educational resources
  • interactive educational tools
  • personalized learning
  • immediate feedback
  • structured environment
  • social interaction
  • overall development
  • physical resources
  • practical learning
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