IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is quite common for both parents in a family to work. Sometimes this is because they need two salaries to survive, whereas other times it is their choice. What are the problems you see in this situation? How does this affect the children and the family life?

In today’s society,
parents
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 play a vital role in shaping their
children
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’s
development
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.
While
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 some mothers and fathers are forced to
work
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 because of household expenses, others choose to
work
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 to improve their lifestyle or for personal satisfaction.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before giving a personal opinion. On the one hand, one of the main problems when both adults
work
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 is that they have less time to spend with their
children
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.
As a result
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, family communication decreases, and
children
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 may feel neglected or emotionally distant.
This
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 lack of interaction can affect their emotional
development
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 and make it difficult for them to express their feelings.
For example
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, some psychological studies show that
children
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 who spend little time with their
parents
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 often struggle with trust or social relationships later in life. Newborns especially need their mother’s emotional support during the early stages of
development
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.
However
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, some working
parents
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 are unaware of these important stages and prefer to focus on improving themselves or building their careers
instead
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.
On the other hand
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, in developing countries, many families cannot afford their household expenses
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such
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, such
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 as bills, school fees, and personal needs, and
this
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 situation creates a financial burden.
As a result
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,
parents
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 are often required to
work
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 long hours, leaving them with little time or energy for their
children
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.
In addition
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,
this
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 financial stress may create a negative atmosphere at home.
For instance
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,
parents
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 who constantly worry about money may become anxious or impatient. In conclusion,
while
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 some adults choose to
work
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 to gain promotions or develop a more successful career, others are forced to
work
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 for financial survival and to provide for their families. In my opinion,
parents
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 should be aware of their
children
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’s needs and provide them with both emotional and moral support, especially during the early stages of their
development
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.

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task response
Give more clear points with real examples to back them.
coherence
Use more simple joining words to show how ideas fit together.
coherence
Some ideas may not fit well; keep to the issue of parents working and its effect on kids and family life.
structure
End with your view again and a short sum of the main ideas.
language
Check grammar and keep sentences short and simple.
structure
Clear plan in the introduction.
coherence
The writer uses on the one hand and on the other hand to show both sides.
content
The essay looks at both money need and choice, showing balance.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dual-income families
  • work-life balance
  • parent-child interaction
  • childcare services
  • financial stability
  • career-oriented parents
  • emotional development
  • social development
  • household responsibilities
  • parental supervision
  • academic performance
  • family cohesion
  • time management
  • pressure of modern living
  • outsourcing parenting
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