In spite of improvement in the healthcare by governments many people in developed countries are suffering from overweight and obesity. What are the causes of this and what other the impacts
Obesity
has become a common issue in last
4 yearsCorrect article usage
the last
Correct word choice
apply
whereas
, the
government is improving the health sector. In Correct word choice
and the
this
essay, I will discuss the reasons and the impacts of this
problem.
To begin
with, the first cause behind this
issue is overeating. People
have started consuming more amount of food which makes them fat as well as
another reason, which is sitting for a longer time for their jobs like 8 to 10 hours. This
is because they working from home which is every 3rd person is doing out of 5. Before people
used to up and down for their work or they were travelling but, now by staying at home, they have to sit for a longer time.The stress they are getting from their jobs is resulting in overeating.
There are some impacts, people
are getting from overeating. The most common is they are suffering from breathing problems. They face difficulties while
breathing or after doing only 30 or 40 of minutes work or some other things, people
start feeling low. So, their capacity to do work is decreasing. For instance
, a survey taken by medical students in June 2024 that
shows more than 20% of today's generation between 30 to 40 years old are suffering from breathing problems and all of those are suffering from Correct pronoun usage
apply
obesity
. Another, issue they are having from obesity
is to reduce the weight, mass tries to eat supplements which can help them to lose weight. Whereas
it is leading to other health problems. Sometimes they try to take more dosage, which results in allergies and swelling in the body.
In conclusion, obesity
is the main reason of
health issues and it has many causes . Some of the reasons are very concerning and should be controlled by Change preposition
for
people
.Submitted by kaursaijbir on
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task achievement
While the essay provides a reasonable response to the essay prompt, it would benefit from more precise and comprehensive ideas that are clearly expressed. Try to focus on delivering your points more clearly to avoid ambiguity or confusion.
coherence cohesion
For a higher score in logical structure, try to ensure that all points flow seamlessly from one to the next. Explicitly linking the causes to their impacts would help enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant and appropriate to the topic. However, more specific examples and statistical data would strengthen your argument and add credibility to your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, giving it a pleasant structure.
task achievement
The main causes of obesity you mention—overeating and sedentary lifestyle—are well identified.
task achievement
You attempt to provide examples and make connections between the causes and their impacts, which add depth to your essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?