In spite of improvement in the healthcare by governments many people in developed countries are suffering from overweight and obesity. What are the causes of this and what other the impacts

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Obesity

Use synonyms

has become a common issue in

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last

Correct article usage

the last

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4 years

Correct word choice

apply

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whereas

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the

Correct word choice

and the

show examples

government is improving the health sector. In

this

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essay, I will discuss the reasons and the impacts of

this

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problem.

To begin

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with, the first cause behind

this

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issue is overeating.

People

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have started consuming more amount of food which makes them fat

as well as

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another reason, which is sitting for a longer time for their jobs like 8 to 10 hours.

This

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is because they working from home which is every 3rd person is doing out of 5. Before

people

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used to up and down for their work or they were travelling but, now by staying at home, they have to sit for a longer time.The stress they are getting from their jobs is resulting in overeating. There are some impacts,

people

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are getting from overeating. The most common is they are suffering from breathing problems. They face difficulties

while

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breathing or after doing only 30 or 40 of minutes work or some other things,

people

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start feeling low. So, their capacity to do work is decreasing.

For instance

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, a survey taken by medical students in June 2024

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

shows more than 20% of today's generation between 30 to 40 years old are suffering from breathing problems and all of those are suffering from

obesity

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. Another, issue they are having from

obesity

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is to reduce the weight, mass tries to eat supplements which can help them to lose weight.

Whereas

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it is leading to other health problems. Sometimes they try to take more dosage, which results in allergies and swelling in the body. In conclusion,

obesity

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is the main reason

Change preposition

for

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health issues and it has many causes . Some of the reasons are very concerning and should be controlled by

people

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kaursaijbirMon Sep 23 2024

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task achievement

While the essay provides a reasonable response to the essay prompt, it would benefit from more precise and comprehensive ideas that are clearly expressed. Try to focus on delivering your points more clearly to avoid ambiguity or confusion.

coherence cohesion

For a higher score in logical structure, try to ensure that all points flow seamlessly from one to the next. Explicitly linking the causes to their impacts would help enhance the logical flow.

task achievement

Your ideas are relevant and appropriate to the topic. However, more specific examples and statistical data would strengthen your argument and add credibility to your points.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, giving it a pleasant structure.

task achievement

The main causes of obesity you mention—overeating and sedentary lifestyle—are well identified.

task achievement

You attempt to provide examples and make connections between the causes and their impacts, which add depth to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

296 words

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In spite of improvement in the healthcare by governments many people in developed countries are suffering from overweight and obesity. What are the causes of this and what other the impacts

Your opinion

These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Your next door neighbour owns a small dog that barks throughout the day and the night. Write a letter to your neighbour requesting that something be done about the dog. Include in your letter: ﻿﻿ Your reason for writing. ﻿﻿What you would like to happen. ﻿﻿A nice, respectful style.

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using mobile phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?

Your next door neighbour owns a small dog that barks throughout the day and the night. Write a letter to your neighbour requesting that something be done about the dog. Include in your letter: Your reason for writing. What you would like to happen. A nice, respectful style.