IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Despite health warning,a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world.Why should we be concerned about this ?What solutions would you suggest?

#health #people #smoke #world
In recent times smoking has increased. Many
people
 smoke without
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
insight
of
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the bad effects
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 smoking.
This
 essay will outline the risks of smoking and the best
soultions
Correct your spelling
solutions
solution
 to reduce
this
 issue. One of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why
people
 should be concerned about smoking is the health issues. If
people
 smoke frequently ,
pontentially
Correct your spelling
potentially
 they will suffer from some diseases
such
 as heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
 and depression.
This
 can escalate into
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 issues. Another reason is wasting money. Smoking can lead to
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 problems.
For example
 , the result of conducted
reseach
Correct your spelling
research
 at Glasgow University illustrates that 80% of smoker
people
 spend about half of their salay in smoking.
Thus
,
people
 may suffer from poverty. There are many
solusions
Correct your spelling
solutions
 to avoid
this
 problem. The
govenment
Correct your spelling
government
 should educate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individauls
Correct your spelling
individuals
 about the danger of
smoke
Wrong verb form
smoking
show examples
 by spreading some
reseaches
Correct your spelling
research
 to aware
people
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 it. Another
solusion
Correct your spelling
solution
 is going to the hospital. The psychology doctor can help the smoker to change his lifestyle and provide him with
Correct article usage
a solusion
show examples
solusion
Correct your spelling
solution
solutions
 to
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
show examples
 a healthy lifestyle. In conclusion , smoking has a significant
bad
Correct word choice
negative
show examples
 impact on
people
's lives. It causes many diseases and loss of money.
Therefore
 , the government and the hospital should work
togother
Correct your spelling
together
 to
stopped
Wrong verb form
stop
show examples
this
 issue.
Submitted by 13570581 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that all main points are clearly supported with relevant examples and details. This will improve clarity and comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving logical transitions between paragraphs for better flow and coherence.
task achievement
Pay attention to spelling and grammar to avoid small mistakes that may distract the reader.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of ideas and ensure that each paragraph introduces new supporting points or examples.
coherence cohesion
You have included a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the essay well.
task achievement
Your essay covers relevant issues related to smoking, making it clear that you've addressed the task requirements.
task achievement
Good attempt at providing solutions and reasons for concern regarding smoking, showing comprehensive understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory illnesses
  • healthcare systems
  • air pollution
  • cigarette butts
  • wildlife
  • marine life
  • deforestation
  • pesticide use
  • economic loss
  • absenteeism
  • early mortality
  • tobacco farming
  • second-hand smoke
  • strict regulations
  • higher taxes
  • smoking bans
  • advertising restrictions
  • support systems
  • counseling
  • smoking cessation
  • nicotine replacement therapy
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!