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Band 6

Some people think that it’s a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it’s important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #it’s #idea #socialise #work #colleagues #evenings #weekends #life
It is a fact that people have to spend a lot of
time
 at
work
.
Therefore
, some argue that it is a good idea to spend some
time
 with their coworkers outside of
work
.
Whereas
, others believe that it is best to keep working
life
 completely separate from social
life
.
Although
 there are both opinions about the given topic, as far as I am concerned, it would be better to build good relationships with
work
 colleagues by spending some
time
 when they have free
time
.
Firstly
, it is beneficial for workers in terms of their mental wellness if they have good relationships at
work
.
This
 could be maintained by spending some
time
 outside of
work
 as people tend to be more relaxed and feel free to express themselves. It is
ture
Correct your spelling
true
 that individuals get overwhelmed or stressed by the
fast paced
Add a hyphen
fast-paced
show examples
 environment.
For instance
, if one was really stressed with their job and someone invited to go to a café after
work
, they could discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
what they struggled with and how to manage the stressful situations.
This
 would have positive impacts on their mental health.
On the other hand
, some state that working
life
 should be separated from social
life
 when it comes to their privacy.
This
 is because some might forget about the boundary between colleagues and some may misbehave at
work
.
Additionally
, it is understandable that one could be more stressed by being surrounded by colleagues talking about their job even on their days off. If
this
 happens frequently, people cannot rest well and have to think about their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 all the
time
.
Thus
, some want to separate their social
life
 from
working
Correct pronoun usage
their working
show examples
life
.
To conclude
,
although
 there are both opinions about the given topic, I personally support the idea of spending some
time
 with coworkers outside of
work
 in order to maintain their mental health.
Submitted by hiromi.1828.o on

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task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument and provided your own opinion, which is excellent. However, to achieve a higher score, ensure that each paragraph deeply explores and fully develops your main points with more detailed examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-structured, some sentences could be better linked to enhance the flow of ideas. Try using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the logical progression of your essay.
general
Minor grammar errors like 'ture' instead of 'true' should be corrected. Ensure you proofread for spelling mistakes to maintain the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-crafted, effectively framing the essay.
task achievement
The examples you provided are relevant and support your arguments well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cohesive work environment
  • work-life balance
  • renewed focus
  • interpersonal relationships
  • professional boundaries
  • fostering
  • blur the lines
  • burnout
  • networking opportunities
  • informal mentorships
  • career advancement
  • workplace dynamics
  • personal well-being
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