Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#students #gap #year #school #university #work #travel #outweigh

In the modern era, a large number of

students

like to take a break year after high school

for enriching

Change preposition

to enrich

show examples

their experience. In my opinion,

this

action is truly better than any negative effects it can bring. Moving to the reasons why it has more benefits than drawbacks.

Firstly

students

will have a period to determine particularly what they need to try hard for or which is necessary to study.

For instance

, several

students

in the past didn't spend time choosing what they really desired or within their capacity because they lacked insight into their prospects.

This

had negative effects on the future. Take Phuong, who is my relative,

for instance

, she lived in hardship because of choosing the wrong direction in her career path.

Secondly

students

can have time to try several jobs to choose the best for themselves, they

also

can travel to see new cultures. All of

this

may help them have a good view of careers like what job can become popular in the future or which country will be the next economic developing zone.

For example

, individuals who have widened their cultural horizon will gain more beneficial ideas than some domestic workers or people who try a bunch of jobs in their gap years

also

earn more experience and can choose the best work they can do to optimize their career. In conclusion, from my view, for

students

who don't have any trials on jobs during the process to achieve the degree after they graduate, it will be significant drawbacks for them to compete with pupils who take gap years to gain experience.

Submitted by midden-02.tore on Tue Sep 24 2024

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task achievement

To further enhance task response, address a more balanced discussion by adding stronger counterarguments to acknowledge the potential disadvantages. This would make the essay's analysis appear more comprehensive.

task achievement

Aim to improve clarity and detail in ideas by extending certain points more thoroughly. For instance, elaborate more on how trying different jobs and experiencing new cultures specifically prepares students for their future careers.

coherence cohesion

Ensure the main points are more explicitly connected with linking phrases to strengthen coherence and cohesion. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.

coherence cohesion

Work on a more thoroughly developed essay conclusion that not only restates your opinion but also summarizes the main points discussed in the body paragraphs clearly.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear introduction, effectively stating the opinion that taking a gap year has more benefits than drawbacks. This provides clarity on the stance of the essay right from the beginning.

task achievement

The use of specific examples, such as the story of Phuong and the advantages of gaining cultural insights, helps to support the main points made in the essay, adding depth to the arguments.

coherence cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized with a logical structure; the introduction sets up the topic, the body paragraphs provide reasons and examples, and the conclusion reiterates the main opinion.

coherence cohesion

Linking phrases, like "for instance" and "secondly," are effectively used to connect examples and support points within paragraphs, adding to the flow of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

268 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

as the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing more and more jobs. Describe some job positions that may be lost because of computers, and disciss at least one problem that may result

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

advantages and disadvantages of playing video games in children.

City dwellers seldom socialize with their neighbors today, and the sense of community has been lost. Why did this happen? And how can this be solved?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think is a positive or a negative development?