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Band 6.5

Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#students #gap #year #school #university #work #travel #outweigh
In the modern era, a large number of
students
 like to take a break year after high school
for enriching
Change preposition
to enrich
show examples
 their experience. In my opinion,
this
 action is truly better than any negative effects it can bring. Moving to the reasons why it has more benefits than drawbacks.
Firstly
,
students
 will have a period to determine particularly what they need to try hard for or which is necessary to study.
For instance
, several
students
 in the past didn't spend time choosing what they really desired or within their capacity because they lacked insight into their prospects.
This
 had negative effects on the future. Take Phuong, who is my relative,
for instance
, she lived in hardship because of choosing the wrong direction in her career path.
Secondly
,
students
 can have time to try several jobs to choose the best for themselves, they
also
 can travel to see new cultures. All of
this
 may help them have a good view of careers like what job can become popular in the future or which country will be the next economic developing zone.
For example
, individuals who have widened their cultural horizon will gain more beneficial ideas than some domestic workers or people who try a bunch of jobs in their gap years
also
 earn more experience and can choose the best work they can do to optimize their career. In conclusion, from my view, for
students
 who don't have any trials on jobs during the process to achieve the degree after they graduate, it will be significant drawbacks for them to compete with pupils who take gap years to gain experience.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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task achievement
To further enhance task response, address a more balanced discussion by adding stronger counterarguments to acknowledge the potential disadvantages. This would make the essay's analysis appear more comprehensive.
task achievement
Aim to improve clarity and detail in ideas by extending certain points more thoroughly. For instance, elaborate more on how trying different jobs and experiencing new cultures specifically prepares students for their future careers.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the main points are more explicitly connected with linking phrases to strengthen coherence and cohesion. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Work on a more thoroughly developed essay conclusion that not only restates your opinion but also summarizes the main points discussed in the body paragraphs clearly.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear introduction, effectively stating the opinion that taking a gap year has more benefits than drawbacks. This provides clarity on the stance of the essay right from the beginning.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the story of Phuong and the advantages of gaining cultural insights, helps to support the main points made in the essay, adding depth to the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized with a logical structure; the introduction sets up the topic, the body paragraphs provide reasons and examples, and the conclusion reiterates the main opinion.
coherence cohesion
Linking phrases, like "for instance" and "secondly," are effectively used to connect examples and support points within paragraphs, adding to the flow of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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