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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports faculties . Others , however say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required . Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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There are differing views regarding the effectiveness of expanding
sports
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facilities
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 in improving public
health
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. Some argue that increased access to sporting opportunities is the key to a healthier population,
while
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 others believe
this
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 approach would have minimal impact and that alternative strategies are necessary. Proponents of expanding
sports
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facilities
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 highlight the potential for increased physical activity and improved fitness levels. Greater accessibility to sporting venues could encourage more people to participate in regular exercise,
thus
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 reducing the prevalence of lifestyle diseases
such
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 as heart disease and obesity.
This
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 approach promotes a proactive, community-based solution to public
health
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 challenges.
Conversely
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, critics argue that simply increasing the number of
sports
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facilities
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 is insufficient to address the multifaceted nature of public
health
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 issues. They contend that factors
such
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 as socioeconomic disparities, access to healthcare, and dietary habits significantly influence
overall
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 well-being.
Furthermore
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, a lack of awareness, motivation, or time constraints may prevent individuals from utilising even readily available
facilities
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.
Therefore
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, a more holistic approach, encompassing public
health
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 education campaigns, improved healthcare systems, and policies that promote healthy lifestyles, is deemed essential. In conclusion,
while
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 increased access to
sports
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facilities
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 undoubtedly contributes to improved physical activity and potentially better public
health
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 outcomes, it is unlikely to be a standalone solution. A multi-pronged strategy that addresses the wider determinants of
health
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 is necessary for achieving significant and sustainable improvements in public
health
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.

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task achievement
Including specific examples or data could strengthen the argument, making it more compelling and relatable. Consider integrating examples like community fitness programs or specific health statistics.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from clearer transitions between points to enhance the flow of arguments. Ensure each paragraph logically follows the previous one, maintaining a seamless narrative throughout.
task achievement
The essay provides a well-rounded discussion of both viewpoints, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the argument, offering a clear perspective and summarizing key points neatly.
coherence cohesion
The main arguments are logically organized and easy to follow, providing a balanced perspective on the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote
  • physical activity
  • improve
  • public health
  • opportunities
  • regular exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • community involvement
  • social interactions
  • education
  • healthy lifestyles
  • policies
  • healthy eating habits
  • access
  • limited
  • location
  • affordability
  • cultural barriers
  • holistic approach
  • strategies
  • interventions
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