IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that older, more traditional buildings in cities should be preserved. Others believe that these buildings should be demolished and new ones built in their place. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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A number of
people
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 argue that ancient
buildings
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 in towns should be protected,
while
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 others are of the opinion that these
buildings
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 should be replaced with new ones.
This
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 essay agrees with the prior point and will show that, despite the risk of the collapse of traditional
buildings
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, they serve as cultural
heritage
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 in most countries,
whereas
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 constructing new mansions will facilitate modern life.
People
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 in most towns and
cities
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 are in a fever of preserving their cultural
heritage
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 at any cost, wherein governments fund a totally separate department in the government body to work and maintain these old monuments,
such
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 as
buildings
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 and protected traditional suburbs in a city;
furthermore
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, these
buildings
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 are part of the city’s beauty, and it would be better to have them maintained every six months to keep them from falling off.
For instance
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, in our city, we have a row of
buildings
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 that are from around 90 years ago, and the government carries out maintenance every year to keep them as they were built in their first years. In my opinion, as part of cultural
heritage
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, these
buildings
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 and houses should be preserved and maintained for more years.
However
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, there are a number of
people
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 who prefer to get rid of these old
buildings
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 and build new ones with modern facilities and safety standards. As of now,
people
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 are interested in smart
cities
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 with the best transportation, self-driven cars, smart
buildings
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 with 6G internet connectivity, and more robust facilities
such
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 as swimming pools, gyms, bars, garages for the safety of cars, nearby supermarkets, cinemas, and loads of amusement parks for their children.
For example
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, some
cities
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 around the world are divided into two parts—new
cities
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 and old
cities
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—to build new homes and mansions. I believe we should not diminish our old
cities
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 because they are memories of our ancestors. In conclusion, archaic
buildings
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 are part of ancient
heritage
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, and most
people
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 advocate their destruction.
Conversely
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, others prefer to demolish these
buildings
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 and build new ones in place of them with more residential amenities,
whereas
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 I believe they should be preserved for as long as their longevity could
last
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.

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task achievement
While your essay covers both views and provides a clear opinion, it could benefit from further elaboration on the arguments for demolishing old buildings and examples. Expanding on why some people believe that modern amenities are more crucial could strengthen your task response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your points flow logically from one to the next. While your essay generally follows a logical structure, some transitions could be clearer to enhance coherence.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples that effectively illustrate your points, such as the maintenance of old buildings in your city.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear and well-developed introduction and conclusion, which appropriately encapsulate your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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