IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world , rural people are moving to cities ,so the population in the country side is decreasing Do you think it is a positive or a negative development

#countries #world #people #cities #population #country #side #development
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These days, in numerous nations, an increasing
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
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 have been moving to
cities
Use synonyms
 from
countryside
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the countryside
show examples
 so that rural
resisdents
Correct your spelling
residents
 has decreased. It is thought by some that
this
Linking Words
 trend has negative development. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 argument
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 it leads to a
lack
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 of workforce and affects
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
city
Change noun form
city's
show examples
 image.
To begin
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 with, one of
negative
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the negative
show examples
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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 that rural
people
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 moving to
cities
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 is that it causes a
lack
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 of workers. In recent years, there
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 many young generations, after leaving school going to big
cities
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 to find a job, only elderly
people
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 live in town.
Thus
Linking Words
, many
frams
Correct your spelling
frames
firms
farms
 are abandoned
due to
Linking Words
 a
lack
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 of workforce, leading to
shortage
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a shortage
show examples
 of crops, vegetables,
fruits
Correct word choice
and fruits
show examples
. Vietnam
prefectly
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perfectly
examplifies
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exemplified
exemplifies
 in
this
Linking Words
 case, Vietnam has known as an
agrcultural
Correct your spelling
agricultural
 country,
however
Linking Words
, there is a large
number
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 of young
people
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 leaving their town to go to urban
cities
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 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there are few
people
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carring
Correct your spelling
carrying
caring
 growing crops, leading to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not enough stable foods for national consumption.
Also
Linking Words
 agricultural industry has less development , affecting to price in
food
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the food
show examples
 chain. Another downside of moving to
cities
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 for work or live is that it increasing in
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number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
city
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resisdents
Correct your spelling
residents
 which
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
image
Add an article
the image
show examples
 of
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city
Add an article
the city
show examples
. There are a large
number
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 of
people
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can
Correct pronoun usage
who can
show examples
 not
affort
Correct your spelling
afford
 a house in the
city
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 so they have to live in the slum, which creates a negative picture for the
city
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, especially,
Correct article usage
a toursim
show examples
toursim
Correct your spelling
tourism
city
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 where
travllers
Correct your spelling
travellers
 will have a jugement on the
city
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 and the country as well.
Also
Linking Words
,
people
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try
Wrong verb form
trying
show examples
 to live in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
city
Use synonyms
 with
low
Add an article
a low
the low
show examples
 standard of living will affect their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 future. In conclusion,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 moving to
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city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 has several negative impacts that
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 a
lack
Use synonyms
 of workers working in
agricultural
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the agricultural
show examples
 industry and
also
Linking Words
creates
Change the verb form
create
show examples
 a bad
imange
Correct your spelling
image
 for the
city
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by tranghathu16hd on

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task achievement
Your response to the task is complete and adequately addresses the question. However, try to make your arguments clearer by providing more detailed explanations and support.
task achievement
Some ideas are clearly presented, but increasing clarity and comprehensiveness would benefit your essay. Ensure each argument is fully developed with appropriate examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure is good; however, the transitions between some ideas could be smoother. Work on improving the logical flow of your arguments to guide the reader seamlessly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Some ideas could benefit from thoughtful expansion. Try to limit the use of simple connectives and explore the use of more sophisticated linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which sums up the main points effectively.
task achievement
Main points are identified and discussed, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • infrastructure
  • overcrowding
  • standard of living
  • depopulation
  • agriculture
  • traditional industries
  • educational facilities
  • healthcare facilities
  • social issues
  • community ties
  • neglect
  • spill-over effects
  • remittances
  • investments
What to do next:
Look at other essays: