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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #universities #numbers #students
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Every year
universities
 allow student to be part of their establishment. Some people believe that
universities
 should accept the same quantity of both genders,
whereas
 others disagree with
this
 statement;
however
, personally, I totally disagree with the statement about the
gender
 acceptance rate.
In addition
, the quality of the student is far more important than anything else;
therefore
, the
gender
 of the candidates is irrelevant.
Accordingly
, the
universities
 must focus on the quality and what makes the candidates a good pick and qualify them to be college students.
For instance
, some people are doing good in school getting As and scoring high numbers on the needed tests for applying to the university these people are more special and smart, and
as a result
Add a comma
,
show examples
the
universities
 must make them their priority.
Furthermore
,
gender
 equality is not necessarily fair, but there are some study areas that are more approachable to a specific
gender
;
for example
, females
prone
Add a missing verb
are prone
show examples
 to study fields like Art, Social Studies and Healthcare.
Also
, the
universities
 should have a database that shows what interests are more appealing to a certain
gender
 and take that under consideration and how they perform in that certain field. To put it in a nutshell,
gender
 should not be a factor that determines if the candidate is qualified or not, quality must be the main factor. At the same time, some majors show that certain
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more likely to be creative and do
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better jobs than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
; and,
universities
 must be aware of that.
Submitted by azozalsoby2014 on

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific and varied examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This can be done by using appropriate linking words and phrases to enhance coherence.
task achievement
You clearly present your viewpoint from the start, which makes your stance unambiguous.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • inclusive environment
  • natural disparities
  • enforcing equal numbers
  • merit-based admission
  • qualified candidates
  • gender quotas
  • undermine
  • academic standards
  • guidance and support
  • societal biases
  • numeric equality
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