IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses for communities in poorer countries. Why young people choose to do so? Who will benefit more: young people or the communities?

#people #countries #time #work #houses #communities #benefit
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In contemporary society, an increasing number of adolescents living in affluent nations are willingly dedicating their time to performing unpaid work in underprivileged countries.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the motivations behind their endeavours and evaluate the relative benefits
coupled with
Linking Words
 both the young volunteers and the
communities
Use synonyms
 they serve. There are several compelling factors why the youth from wealthy backgrounds underpin to engage in volunteer activities
Firstly
Linking Words
, these young individuals will encounter a unique opportunity to contribute positively to humanity, simultaneously gaining invaluable experiences that are often unavailable in developed nations. Take
this
Linking Words
 as an example, volunteer work often enables participants to gain fresh perspectives and invigorating motivation by immersing themselves in disadvantaged environments, ultimately fostering a deeper sense of empathy and social responsibility.
Secondly
Linking Words
, involvement in volunteerism can significantly enhance one's career prospects. Participants frequently have the chance to develop essential skills applicable in both academic and professional settings.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, an increasing number of organizations usually prioritize social or volunteer experience in their recruitment processes;
as a result
Linking Words
, if these people aim to apply for work in reputable companies, they will possibly gain more distinctive advantages over their competitors.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the host
communities
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 experience noteworthy advantages from the influx of young volunteers.
For instance
Linking Words
, these societies, often characterized by substandard living conditions, stand to benefit from the critical skills and knowledge imparted by the volunteers, including construction techniques, healthcare practices, and educational methods.
Additionally
Linking Words
, numerous economically disadvantaged nations face a shortage of
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
, making the contribution of additional personnel invaluable in expediting ongoing projects.
Consequently
Linking Words
, what these
communities
Use synonyms
 will derive from the dedication of affluent youth is to have a chance to
last
Linking Words
 longer to advance their lives, leading to sustained improvements in their quality of life. In conclusion, as aforementioned above,
while
Linking Words
 there are long-term benefits to low-income villages, which probably lead to an improvement in
standard
Add an article
the standard
show examples
 of living for
communities
Use synonyms
 facing barriers , I truly contend that young people from privileged backgrounds are likely to derive greater benefits from their experiences.
Submitted by jubjangjuda on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on examples to enrich the argument. Adding specific case studies or anecdotes would enhance relevance and support for the points made.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. The use of transitional words and phrases can improve the overall logical structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a defined introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally well-supported and logically structured.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the question adequately and offers a balanced viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: