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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below show the devices people in the age 18 to 25 age group used to watch TV in Canada in 2009 and 2019.

The pie charts below show the devices people in the age 18 to 25 age group used to watch TV in Canada in 2009 and 2019.
#show #devices #people #age #group #tv #canada
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pie charts
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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showing the the technologies used by
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation
with
Change preposition
apply
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ages between 18 and 25 to watch television in
canada
Change the capitalization
Canada
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with
Change preposition
apply
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among six types of
devices
.
firstly
, the
televesion
Correct your spelling
television
 was
watch
Wrong verb form
watched
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 by
Canidian
Correct your spelling
Canadian
 young generation through mobile phones, laptops, tablets, desktop computers, flat-screen
TVs
 and conventional
TVs
.
in
Capitalize word
In
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 2009,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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conventional TV
considered
Add a missing verb
was considered
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 the highest method of watching
televtion
Correct your spelling
television
 which raked 34%
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
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 to 4% in
year
Change the article
the year
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 2019. it is worth
to mention
Change the verb form
mentioning
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 that people in 2009
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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focused on three
devices
 to watch TV including desktop computers, laptops and conventional
TVs
.
whereas
, all types of
devices
 have been used
compatitvly
Correct your spelling
competitively
 between the
devices
 in 2019.
for example
, the mobile phone and
flat-screens
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flat screens
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are
Wrong verb form
were
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utalized
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utilised
 almost
equily
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equally
equity
 in 2019.
on the other hand
, the highest way to watch
televesion
Correct your spelling
television
 in
canada
Change the capitalization
Canada
show examples
 was through flat-screen
TVs
while
 the lowest was in conventional
TVs
. it is worth highlighting the
utalization
Correct your spelling
utilisation
 of
moble
Correct your spelling
mobile
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 phones to watch
televetion
Correct your spelling
television
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dramaticly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 increased from 15% to 26% between
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 2009 and 2019
respectivily
Correct your spelling
respectively
. in conclusion, the youth age
are
Change the verb form
is
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 shifting sharply toward using
flat-screens
Correct your spelling
flat screens
show examples
 between
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 2009 and 2019 with
notable
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a notable
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increasing
Replace the word
increase
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 in
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 tables as well between these years.
Submitted by reemo.r.s on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words devices, tvs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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