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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people today believe that it is acceptable to use physical force to discipline children, but others feel it is completely unacceptable. Discuss this view and give your opinion.

#people #force #discipline #children
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Some
people
 think that corporal
punishments
 can be given to discipline
children
. For some
people
 it is not appropriate to do so, I think that both of these views are valid but I side with those who think that physical
force
 is prohibited to discipline
children
. Physical
force
 usually can be given to
children
 to prevent them from misbehaviours.
Moreover
, they usually will be respectful because of the fear of being punished. Corporal
punishments
also
 will make them stay concentrated on their tasks because they are afraid to get
punishments
.
Furthermore
, these
punishments
 can encourage them to achieve excellent academic performance. Not only that, they will think twice before doing something bad.
Children
 will be traumatised by these actions which leads to bad mental health conditions.
On the other hand
, I believe that physical
force
 should not be given to discipline
children
 for several reasons.
Firstly
,
children
 should feel safe in their learning environment and
punishments
 will not make them feel safe. They will be afraid to make mistakes because they will get punished.
Thus
, they will tend to avoid difficult problems which are preventing them from growing.
Secondly
,
children
 need exemplary behaviours so that they can understand which one is good or bad.
Thus
, elderly
people
 around them should explain to them about preferred behaviour.
Furthermore
,
children
 will be able to implement good behaviour without feeling scared because of the
punishments
.
Children
 will have better mental health if they are treated well by their surroundings. In conclusion,
while
 some
people
 agree that corporal punishment could prevent
children
 from misbehaviours, these reasons cannot justify their actions simply because it will make
children
 traumatised. I,
therefore
, remain convinced that physical
force
 should not be given to punish
children
.
Submitted by tiana29.alisjahbana on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in Task Achievement, make sure to fully answer the question with a balanced discussion of both sides before presenting your opinion. Your essay should include more specific examples to support your points effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, work on linking ideas more smoothly within and between paragraphs. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and make sure they are used accurately. Adding varied sentence structures can also enhance the readability of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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