It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community. Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults?
youngsters should help the
community
by doing work
which is unpaid for the required time period and
was suggested by many. Correct word choice
apply
This
will benefit the community
but it also
has a drawback for adults, because it might demotivate them and they expect money for their work
.
Firstly
, this
idea will benefit the community
and it will be very useful to the government but it will affect the youngster's minds and might give negative thoughts to them. They cannot work
for unpaid jobs
in this
society because they have a degree with skills and knowledge. For example
, nowadays most youngsters work
part-time jobs
while
studying in
Change preposition
at
university
to pay their college bills, travel expenses, and other bills, Add an article
the university
as a result
, in this
situation, they aaren't
to Correct your spelling
aren't
work
for unpaid jobs
or any irrelevant work
that not gonna
pay them.
Verb problem
going
In addition
, after they finish their studies in university they have a huge responsibility to run a family and want to take good care of their parents. In today's world individual person has a regular income to maintain their needs and save their money for the next generation, and at that time it will be unworthy to work
in unpaid jobs
, therefore
unpaid work
does not match their need in modern society. For instance
, if they volunteer to work
for the community
without pay it will added only to their resume, it
will not giveCorrect word choice
and it
Correct pronoun usage
them a
a
Change the article
the
skill
to get the next job.
In conclusion, there will be more benefits to the government for the unpaid workers but it Fix the agreement mistake
skills
also
has a huge disadvantage for the youngsters without salaries. But there are some people who volunteer to do some activities.Submitted by insighttribez on
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coherence cohesion
Your introduction provides a clear statement of the topic, but it could be stronger with a thesis statement that outlines your main arguments more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that sentences flow logically from one to the next. This will help improve the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay touches on relevant points, but you need to provide more detailed examples and explanations to fully support your arguments.
task achievement
As you develop your main points, use specific examples to illustrate your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion restates the main idea, but it can be stronger by summarizing the key points discussed in the body paragraphs and clearly highlighting your stance.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a balanced view on the topic, considering both the benefits and drawbacks of unpaid work for young adults.
coherence cohesion
You have organized your essay into clear paragraphs, which helps in presenting your ideas systematically.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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