It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community. Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults?

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youngsters should help the
community
by doing
work
which is unpaid for the required time period
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
was suggested by many.
This
will benefit the
community
but it
also
has a drawback for adults, because it might demotivate them and they expect money for their
work
.
Firstly
,
this
idea will benefit the
community
and it will be very useful to the government but it will affect the youngster's minds and might give negative thoughts to them. They cannot
work
for unpaid
jobs
in
this
society because they have a degree with skills and knowledge.
For example
, nowadays most youngsters
work
part-time
jobs
while
studying
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
university
Add an article
the university
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to pay their college bills, travel expenses, and other bills,
as a result
, in
this
situation, they
aaren't
Correct your spelling
aren't
to
work
for unpaid
jobs
or any irrelevant
work
that not
gonna
Verb problem
going
show examples
pay them.
In addition
, after they finish their studies in university they have a huge responsibility to run a family and want to take good care of their parents. In today's world individual person has a regular income to maintain their needs and save their money for the next generation, and at that time it will be unworthy to
work
in unpaid
jobs
,
therefore
unpaid
work
does not match their need in modern society.
For instance
, if they volunteer to
work
for the
community
without pay it will added only to their resume,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
will not give
Correct pronoun usage
them a
show examples
a
Change the article
the
show examples
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
to get the next job. In conclusion, there will be more benefits to the government for the unpaid workers but it
also
has a huge disadvantage for the youngsters without salaries. But there are some people who volunteer to do some activities.
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coherence cohesion
Your introduction provides a clear statement of the topic, but it could be stronger with a thesis statement that outlines your main arguments more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that sentences flow logically from one to the next. This will help improve the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay touches on relevant points, but you need to provide more detailed examples and explanations to fully support your arguments.
task achievement
As you develop your main points, use specific examples to illustrate your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion restates the main idea, but it can be stronger by summarizing the key points discussed in the body paragraphs and clearly highlighting your stance.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a balanced view on the topic, considering both the benefits and drawbacks of unpaid work for young adults.
coherence cohesion
You have organized your essay into clear paragraphs, which helps in presenting your ideas systematically.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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