IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

"Old people are an essential part of society, so they should be respected.” How much do you agree with this opinion and why? Give reasons and examples to support your answer

#people #part #society #support
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No one can deny that our elders are an important part of our lives, so everybody must treat them with respect.I am totally in favour of
this
 trend.There are a majority of reasons behind that.
This
 essay will
further
 elaborate my views on the same in the upcoming paragraphs before reaching a logical conclusion. There are adequate evidences which are essential.The first and foremost reason is Cultural values,
themajority
Correct your spelling
the majority
 of folks they
are still follow
Change the verb form
are still following
show examples
 their rituals by respecting their
parents
 like their gods. Because they learned those
things
 from their
parents
 when they saw them when they were kids. Another pivotal aspect is give and take. If we treat our elders like a king and respect them our children could learn that
educatin
Correct your spelling
education
 from us and
as a result
 we will get the same from them.
For instance
, recent research from all countries shows that youngsters and adults learn all these
things
 by coping with their
parents
. Moving ahead, the factor most important is sacrifice, we all know our
parents
 suffered a lot and sometimes they compromised a lot of
things
 just to give us a good education and a better atmosphere to grow. Now it is our time to show them how much we love them by caring for them.The rearmost factor is age issues ,
although
 we all have lots of
things
 to do but it is the time when they need us in their bad times. In their
last
 stage of life, they are not capable of doing all the stuff so it is our responsibility to show our love for helping them. Recent research shows that
parents
 live more years if they live with their kids and are taken care
by
Change preposition
of by
show examples
 them rather than living in old age homes. CBC claimed a ratio of 70:30.
Submitted by jagdeeptoor751 on

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task achievement
Your introduction sets the stage well but could benefit from a more varied vocabulary and improved sentence structure to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, phrases like 'the majority of folks they are still follow' should be revised for clarity and accuracy.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear stance and discusses multiple reasons in favor of your opinion, contributing to a strong task response.
task achievement
You have effectively used examples to illustrate your points, such as citing recent research to back your claims which adds credibility.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • essential part of society
  • wealth of experience
  • intergenerational interaction
  • contribute significantly
  • cultural norm
  • social traditions
  • dignity and support
  • volunteering sector
  • building communities
  • shaping society
  • empathy and respect
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