IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Young people prefer listening to music rather than listening to the news on the radio. Is this a positive or a negative trend? Provide reasons and examples for your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, global lifestyles are so varied from the prior
time
Use synonyms
 and we can see young generations have different behaviour from their parents
such
Linking Words
 as they like to listen to
music
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of new from Radio. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development
while
Linking Words
 they do not know about the happened
that is
Linking Words
 changing their world owing to the fact that when international citizens do not listen to or read the
news
Use synonyms
 that has a range of good and bad
news
Use synonyms
, they won't have mental issues, and listen to
music
Use synonyms
 help
people
Use synonyms
 to do their work with high yield. On the one hand, most of the
news
Use synonyms
 that either radio or other social media have a number of
news
Use synonyms
 that are about bad evidence; in fact, these kinds of
news
Use synonyms
 have bad effects on our minds like toxicity on our bodies, so after many
time
Use synonyms
 populations who follow the
news
Use synonyms
 have several scared about everything and they cannot live like the previous times;
thereafter
Linking Words
, their mental problem will be increased;
moreover
Linking Words
, they are not able to do their work very good.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, listening to
music
Use synonyms
 is the best way
people
Use synonyms
 can relax and help communities to exchange their energy after little
time
Use synonyms
;
furthermore
Linking Words
, aids
people
Use synonyms
 in cleaning their minds from everything that makes them worry and angry;
therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can focus on their job better with spend less
time
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, most students learn subjects needing accuracy like mathematics, physics, programming, and so on better with
music
Use synonyms
 inasmuch as they can study more influentially without thinking about a majority of elements.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it is important that we know about some new that help us to improve our lives;
however
Linking Words
, spending the whole of our
time
Use synonyms
 on it has a negative on our mental health;
whereas
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 helps
people
Use synonyms
 to become active.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your task response would improve by providing more specific examples related to young people and their preference for music over news. Currently, the examples used are somewhat general.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, consider refining your transitions and ensuring that your points follow a logical sequence. Using more connecting words and phrases can help your ideas flow smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay does a good job of introducing the topic and providing a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points.
supported main points
You have made some relevant points about the psychological impacts of news and the positive effects of music.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • accessibility
  • personalization
  • traditional
  • monotonous
  • escapism
  • relaxation
  • engagement
  • global events
  • informed decisions
  • bite-sized
  • fact-based
  • societal awareness
  • cultural identities
  • medium
  • subcultures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: