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Many young people are leaving their home in rural area to study or work in cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

#people #home #area #study #work #cities #development
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation is moving to urban areas to work or study, leaving their homes in the countryside. It is undeniable that there are more opportunities in a large city.
Furthermore
, in urban environments, the infrastructure is better developed.
However
, some people believe that there are
also
 downsides,
such
 as the deterioration of agriculture and cattle breeding,
as well as
 overcrowding in the big cities. But I believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. A significant advantage of relocating to metropolitan areas is the wealth of opportunities for education and career advancement. Metropolis have a higher concentration of educational institutions that provide versatile, high-quality education. There are a lot of
of
Remove the redundancy
apply
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job opportunities across various fields, increasing a successful career.
For instance
, professions in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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 like IT,
Correct word choice
and marketer
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marketer
Fix the agreement mistake
marketers
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 are often less prevalent in small towns.
Moreover
, large cities provide better access to services, making it easier to find shops, medical facilities, and entertainment venues.
This
 accessibility contributes to a more comfortable and diverse life for people
Conversely
, urbanization can lead to population decline in small towns, creating a worker shortage in essential sectors.
This
 results in the closure of vital services, undermining local economies and adversely affecting remaining residents.
Furthermore
, the influx to urban centres causes overcrowding, straining infrastructure and leading to congestion and housing shortages, which can worsen life quality. Having
weighted
Correct your spelling
weighed
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 everything mentioned up, we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
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 conclusion that even leaving homes in rural cities
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 major problems, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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also
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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beneficial sides. The advantages are
more
Change the word
apply
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more useful and better for people
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on specific examples to support your points. Instead of saying "there are a lot of job opportunities", mention one or two specific industries with statistics or examples to make it more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Watch out for grammatical errors and fragment sentences. Proofreading will help you catch these small mistakes.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and logical structure with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, discussing both the reasons for the trend and weighing its advantages and disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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