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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

it is very important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. to what exent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? what sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

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Children
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's education is one of the most controversial topics, particularly when discussing how to teach
children
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 the difference between right and wrong. The roles of
teachers
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 and
parents
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 in
this
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 process are crucial, and determining the best approach to
discipline
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 can be challenging.
This
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 essay will explore the responsibilities of
parents
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 and educators,
as well as
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 the types of punishments that should be ethically allowed.
Firstly
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,
parents
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 and
teachers
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 play a pivotal role in shaping
children
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's personal values and behaviour.Since
children
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 spend much of their time at school and at home, these environments significantly influence their development as individuals and members of society. Research suggests that the behaviour and guidance of
parents
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 and
teachers
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 are key factors in determining a child's future actions.
For instance
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, exposure to negative parental or educational figures in early childhood is often linked to long-term behavioural and emotional issues. Providing a nurturing, positive example is crucial for a child’s healthy development.
Secondly
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, the role of
discipline
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 in education is equally important. In the past, harsh punishments like physical
discipline
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 were common, with
children
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 being punished severely for misbehaviour.
However
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,
this
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 approach is no longer considered effective or ethical in modern educational systems. Studies have shown that clear rules,
coupled with
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 positive reinforcement and calm communication, lead to better psychological outcomes for
children
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.
Instead
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 of instilling fear, gentle
discipline
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 fosters self-awareness and respect, which are essential traits in adulthood. In conclusion, both
teachers
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 and
parents
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 must serve as role models, setting examples that help
children
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 grow into emotionally intelligent and culturally aware adults.
While
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discipline
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 is necessary for shaping behaviour, it should be done in a way that promotes growth without causing emotional harm. I believe that positive reinforcement, combined with fair and consistent
discipline
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, is the most effective way to educate future generations.

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task achievement
While the essay is well-structured and coherent, some specific examples or references to theories and studies related to child development and discipline might enhance the depth of the argument.
task achievement
Consider adding a counterargument to show a balanced view. Discussing a different perspective, such as the potential negative effects of leniency or the benefits of structured discipline, would make your argument more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and your conclusion nicely encapsulates your main points, bringing the essay to a satisfying close.
coherence cohesion
The logical progression of ideas is clear, making the essay easy to follow and understand. Each paragraph flows smoothly from the previous one.
task achievement
Your discussion of the evolving perspectives on discipline and your advocacy for positive reinforcement over harsh punishments provide a thoughtful and modern viewpoint.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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