IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many parts of the world, women study science and technology but do not work in these fields. What are the problems women face? What solutions can be taken to encourage women to work in science and technology?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many female undergraduates around the world are opting to pursue their careers in science.
However
Linking Words
, upon graduation, many of them choose their jobs outside of scientific majors.
This
Linking Words
 essay will look at the challenges that
women
Use synonyms
 face ,
as well as
Linking Words
 showcase some potential remedies to motivate them to
work
Use synonyms
 and remain in science-related careers. One of the problems that they deal with, but perhaps more important, is managing family duties and caring for newborn babies.
In other words
Linking Words
, many related science firms hire employees who can
work
Use synonyms
 full-time and can deal with difficult tasks and long hours of tasks which seem challenging for them
according to
Linking Words
 those other responsibilities that they have. Another countable issue is the rigid, hierarchical societies that
women
Use synonyms
 face in developing countries (mainly faith-based communities) wherein females have fewer rights to self-expression. A recent example of
this
Linking Words
 is happening in Afghanistan where
women
Use synonyms
 should stay at their home to upbringing their children,
thus
Linking Words
 they are not allowed to find their own version of talent and careers.
This
Linking Words
 problem can be solved by having a high quality of education where everyone is learning to look at all genders equally. If individuals don't denigrate
women
Use synonyms
's power and their ability to
work
Use synonyms
 ,
as well as
Linking Words
 upholding them to find their talents and enhance them,
then
Linking Words
 they can
work
Use synonyms
 in any field that they desire . Another considerable solution is aiding
women
Use synonyms
 by men by sharing the responsibilities of raising the children and managing the house in order to they can
work
Use synonyms
 in the intense scientific field. In conclusion , As we know
women
Use synonyms
 are struggling with many problems when they want to
work
Use synonyms
 in science fields namely in the Middle East countries but we can overcome
this
Linking Words
 issue by educating people to look at them equally and support them to fully feel a range of their lives.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to support your main points to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are logically structured, with clearer topic sentences and smooth transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Expand on the solutions section with more details and examples of how they can be implemented in practice.
positive
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and structure of your essay.
positive
You have identified relevant issues affecting women in science and technology.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender bias
  • stereotypes
  • underrepresentation
  • work-life balance
  • caregiver responsibilities
  • mentorship
  • role models
  • isolation
  • support systems
  • flexible working hours
  • parental leave
  • childcare
  • career ambitions
  • demanding fields
What to do next:
Look at other essays: