IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their family. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people think that it is important for
children
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 to spend their free
free
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
time
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 with their
families
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while
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 others believe that it has a negative effect.in
this
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 essay, I will discuss both points of view.As far as I'm concerned, I strongly agree with the statement that
children
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 should spend
time
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 with their
friends
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. Starting from the people who argue that spending all free
time
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 with
families
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 should be the first priority of
children
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 because it helps them to improve their bonding with their parents.Meanwhile engaging in combined activities enhances their understanding and communication among family members.
Additionally
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, parents help their
children
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 to raise social, cultural and traditional values.It has been proven by many times by world health organisations that
children
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 become lazy and ignorant and do not spend
time
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 with their
families
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.
On the other hand
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,there are few people who are against that it is worthless to spend all their leisure
time
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 with their
families
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 because
children
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 will lose their independence and self-confidence.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 learn strategies from their
friends
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 to face difficult situations. Competition is growing day by day,when
children
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 spend some
time
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 with their
friends
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 they learn to compete .it has been shown from many studies,
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children
Correct pronoun usage
that children
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 who do not spend with
friends
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becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
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 lazy and ignorant.
therefore
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 it is important for them to spend
time
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 with their
friends
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.
To sum up
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.it
appear
Change the verb form
appears
show examples
 that,
while
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 family
time
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 is essential for bonding and understanding,there are advantages of going outside the family too.I strongly agree it is necessary for
children
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 to spend with
friends
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 for their
overall
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 growth.

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coherence cohesion
Work on creating clear, separate paragraphs with appropriate spacing. This improves readability and coherence.
task achievement
Ensure that each argument is fully developed with clear examples. While the essay responds to the task effectively, providing more specific and relevant examples will strengthen the task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar usage. Minor inaccuracies in grammar can confuse readers, so ensure that sentences are clear and well-constructed.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a solid introduction and conclusion that convey the main points effectively.
complete response
The discussion addresses both views on the topic, providing a balanced perspective, which contributes well to task achievement.
clear comprehensive ideas
There is a clear opinion expressed, and the essay maintains a consistent position throughout the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fosters
  • Sense of belonging
  • Transmission
  • Cultural and moral values
  • Overdependence
  • Hinder
  • Social development
  • Autonomy
  • Well-rounded development
  • Invaluable
  • Emotional and moral development
  • Self-reliance
  • Diverse interests
What to do next:
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