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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The range and quality of food that we can buy has changed because of technological and scientific advances. Some people regard this change as an improvement, while other believe that it is harmful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In today’s fast-paced world, technological and scientific progress contributes to the increasing
number
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 and features of
food
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 which we can purchase. It is argued by some
people
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 that it is a significant development,
while
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 others think that it may be dangerous because of adding chemicals. On the one hand, a growing
number
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 of
people
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 believe that a multitude of companies and organizations which produce
food
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 tend to have lots of cutting-edge technological devices in order to manufacture
food
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 which is of great
number
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 and quality. They think that if
science
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 and technology burgeon,
this
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 time they earn a lot of money from
this
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 business.
Moreover
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,
people
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 want to buy
food
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 which is of good quality because of improvements in
science
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. So, they buy products which are new and fresh to consume.
For instance
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, scientific research shows that approximately 83% of
people
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 tend to buy a wide range of products which develop because of advances, including creating a variety of machines and substances to yield in a safe environment.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 think that technological and scientific transformations for better
food
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 consumption can lead to a spreading disease which comes from animals or plants. Companies which manufacture
food
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 selling utilize an array of chemical substances to get more
food
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 in
number
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. These chemicals can cause strict health problems, even death.
For instance
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, some companies sell irrelevant seasonal fruits and vegetables like strawberries and tomatoes in winter months at a high cost. These are all because of
science
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 and technology which create issues impossible to eliminate. In conclusion,
food
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 consumption has increased more and more these days. Some
people
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 think that they should be thankful for the progress in both
science
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 and technology,
whereas
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 there are still a few
people
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 who claim that it is harmful.

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coherence cohesion
Be mindful of varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and flow.
task achievement
Try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to articulate your points more precisely.
task achievement
Ensure the clarity of your argument by possibly dedicating more balanced discussion to both views before stating your own opinion.
task achievement
Pay attention to the accuracy of information when using statistics or data to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively outlines the topic and your standpoint.
task achievement
Good use of examples to support your arguments throughout the essay.
task achievement
Successfully addressed both views requested in the task.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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