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Writing Samples
Band 6

People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of technology and transportation. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#people #freedom #work #world #development #technology #transportation
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In our present time , every individual has the independence and responsibility to make decisions about work and where they go live with the advancement of
technology
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 and
transportation
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.
This
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 statement has numerous pros and cons .
This
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 essay will discuss both sides and argue the advantages of
freedom
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 to
this
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 day and the disadvantages. First of all , the progress of
technology
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 and
transportation
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 can negatively of our daily
lives
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. In other words , many
people
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 cannot control their thoughts and actions with the development systems of life. Even though they have the
freedom
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 to do what they wish, unfortunately, they spend their time and money on unnecessary things and they use
technology
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 with bad intentions that will make them feel guilty.
For example
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, social media has been used as an outlet for
people
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 who have been brainwashed to believe that they can do anything they want .
As a result
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 of
this
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, they failed and became stupid
people
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. On the positive side ,
technology
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 and
transportation
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 have a big influence on our daily
lives
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 and become an integral part of everyday activities. Absolutely,
technology
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 makes our
lives
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 easier and better and can be accessible to everyone around the world.
For instance
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, many
people
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 with progress and advances in
technology
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 with there
freedom
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 they choose to work and live in another place to live better
lives
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 and gain more
freedom
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 and happiness. Most majority of
people
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 travel to developed countries to gain better jobs with a good salary. Pretty obvious, that with
freedom
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 and advances in
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technology
Add a comma
technology,
show examples
people
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 can have creative and productive skills. In conclusion, the progress of
technology
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 and
transportation
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 has always led us towards success and a better life but individuals should have more control and be aware of their own needs and priorities. I believe that advantages are more than disadvantages
Submitted by a.almakmari93 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to structure your essay with clear paragraphs: introduction, main body, and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph centers around one main idea and logically leads to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention specific technologies or means of transportation that distinctly demonstrate freedom or its impacts.
task achievement
Clarify your points further to ensure that your reader fully understands your viewpoint. Some sentences are a bit unclear due to vague wording. Aim for precision.
coherence cohesion
You've successfully included an introduction and conclusion, establishing a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
You tackled both advantages and disadvantages, which demonstrates a balanced view and complete response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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