It is important for everyone , including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree whit this statement.

In recent years, the topic of saving
money
for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
has sparked considerable debate. I firmly believe that stashing
money
for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
is essential for every single individual
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
young ones. The reasons will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
On
Correct your spelling
One
show examples
compelling reason for my stance is
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
to use upcoming financial opportunities.
This
can be illustrated by saving
money
will make
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
, specifically youth , capable of taking the financial chances that they will confront.
For instance
, during the COVID
pandemic
Add a comma
pandemic,
show examples
Bitcoin price dropped to 3000$ per coin. I decided to buy Bitcoin but I did not have enough
money
. If I had saved
money
my profit by buying Bitcoin would be around 60000$ per coin by now which underscores
this
point effectively.
Furthermore
, another significant aspect to consider is mental
tranquility
Change the spelling
tranquillity
show examples
.
This
highlight
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highlights
show examples
the fact that reserved
money
can be a
life saver
Correct your spelling
lifesaver
show examples
during unexpected circumstances. An example of
this
can be found in some illnesses like cancer which need a huge amount of
money
to be cured if health insurance is not contained. In
this
situation
Add a comma
situation,
show examples
patient do not need to think about
costs
Correct article usage
the costs
show examples
of treatment if they have saved
money
in their bank account and they can peacefully pass the treatment procedure which
demonstrate
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demonstrates
show examples
the mental
tranquility
Change the spelling
tranquillity
show examples
relevance
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
pre-saved
money
. In conclusion, the arguments clearly support my view that saving
money
for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
is essential. It can help people to
whether
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
improve their financial status or deal with unwanted
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
.
Submitted by mehdi1998d on

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grammar and accuracy
Ensure accurate grammar and try to minimize minor inaccuracies such as 'specially' instead of 'especially', and 'stance is ability to use upcoming financial opportunities' which could be rephrased as 'stance is the ability to capitalize on future financial opportunities'.
example extension
Extend your examples with slightly more detail to demonstrate the depth of your understanding. For instance, in the Bitcoin example, some additional context could help to elucidate the point further.
structure highlight
Clear introduction and conclusion which succinctly summarise the essay's main points.
example usage highlight
Good use of specific examples to support main points, such as the Bitcoin investment and medical expenses.
structure highlight
Logical structure that flows well from one idea to the next, enhancing the essay's readability.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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