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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart gives information about marriage and children in a selection countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart gives information about marriage and children in a selection countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #marriage #children #selection #countries #summarise #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates the
expenditures
Use synonyms
 of different fields for households in the selected nations in 1968 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, people spent the most on food and least on
fuel
Use synonyms
 and power in 1968
whereas
Linking Words
 leisure accounted for a much larger percentage than
fuel
Use synonyms
 and personal
goods
Use synonyms
wtih
Correct your spelling
with
 the least
share
Use synonyms
 in 2018. Housing, transport and leisure had a larger
share
Use synonyms
 in 1968 than
2018
Change preposition
in 2018
show examples
. Starting with the
expenditures
Use synonyms
 which increased for the five decades, the increase in the
share
Use synonyms
 of leisure is the most significant as it rose from less than 10% to approximately 23%, making it the most major spending area.
Also
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
expenditures
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditure
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 housing almost doubled from 10% to just below 20%.
Similarly
Linking Words
, transport experienced a slight increase from around 8% to below 15%. Turning to the graph with less
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
, the
Use synonyms
expenditures
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditure
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 food, which
shared
Verb problem
was
show examples
 the largest in 1968, dropped severely from 35% to about 17% in 2018. The percentage of clothing and
fooware
Correct your spelling
footwear
 and personal
goods
Use synonyms
 decreased from about 6% to about 4% and from about 8% to less than 5% , respectively. There is
also
Linking Words
 a reduction in the
share
Use synonyms
 of
fuel
Use synonyms
 with below 5% from about 6%. These declining trends make
fuel
Use synonyms
,power and personal
goods
Use synonyms
 the least common areas for people to spend in 2018.
In contrast
Linking Words
, household
goods
Use synonyms
 are the only category whose
share
Use synonyms
 remained unchanged at below 10% for the examined period of time.
Submitted by mizuho on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditures, fuel, goods, share with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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