Some people say that if old people spend time and get along with others and exercise everyday they will become fit. However these days older people are usually lonely and donot talk to others which makes them unfit and how unhappy. What are the reasons for this? How can this be resolved
The reasons behind older
people
being lonely and unfit are due to
negative experiences with other people
and due to
their developed and strong personalities and the solution to this
problem is to create a new grouping device.
Staring
with the main problem, as older Correct your spelling
Starting
people
have years of experience whether that be negative or positive, they may have become distant due to
negative experiences with other human beings. Our planet is home to billions of people
, which equivalate
to over 10 billion personality traits that may or may not match. As human beings are unique to their own thoughts, stronger personalities may cause Verb problem
equate
people
of different opinions to clash. These energy draining
experiences may Add a hyphen
energy-draining
then
cause these human beings to increase their possibility of distancing onself
from others.
Next up, we move on to introduce the way Correct your spelling
oneself
this
problem can be resolved. When we talk about the 21st century, we can not fail to mention technology. The solution I would like to propose,
is an application that gathers all information about the Remove the comma
apply
elder
generation including their hobbies, personality traits, personality traits of others they dislike, their home location, etcCorrect your spelling
older
..
The application will Replace the punctuation
.
...
then
send invitations for the elders to join small communities that complement each other. With this
mechanism, I believe that we can promote exercising in a way that elders will enjoy.Submitted by asllchkied on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively and presents clear ideas, but it can be further improved by adding more relevant and concrete examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
While the logical structure of your essay is generally clear, consider adding a brief conclusion to summarize your main points and reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the development of your main points by providing more detailed explanations and connections between ideas.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear solution to the problem and explains it well, making use of modern technology as a tool for social connection.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow between the introduction and body paragraphs is smooth, making it easy to follow your argument.
task achievement
You have effectively identified the reasons for the issue and proposed a potential solution, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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