Some people say that if old people spend time and get along with others and exercise everyday they will become fit. However these days older people are usually lonely and donot talk to others which makes them unfit and how unhappy. What are the reasons for this? How can this be resolved
Although
it is widely accepted that the keys to staying fit for the elderly are frequent interactions with others and daily exercise, contemporary older generations tend to stay alone and have few opportunities of
conversations. In Change preposition
for
this
essay, I elaborate on the reasons for this
phenomenon and the measures to address it.
To begin
with, there are several factors that cause older populations to be isolated. The primary reason is that they do not have a clue to jump into the community
after their retirement. Taking Japan as an example, as the Japanse
workers spend Correct your spelling
Japanese
a
majority of Correct article usage
the
time
on their work, they scarcely know others apart from their workplace. Correct pronoun usage
their time
Therefore
, when they are retired, they lose interactions and feel lonely in a
society. Another justification is that many older generations no longer live with their children. Remove the article
apply
Thus
, as they do not have to do household chores for their children or grandchildren, killing time at home, they are likely to lose their self-confidence.
To solve this
issue, immediate actions should be implemented. One of the pragmatic measures is to provide older citizens with job or volunteering opportunities. If they can maintain
working, they will feel that they contribute to Verb problem
continue
the
society and be able to create new relationships. Particularly in Japan where people desire to continue working even after their retirement age, Correct article usage
apply
this
approach will be effective. Another tactic is that communities hold regular events which encourage them to take part. Once they participate, they will find someone to talk and
touch base with them later.
In conclusion, here are some causes for the trend where older individuals are isolated despite the widespread understanding of Change preposition
to and
importance
of connecting with their Add an article
the importance
community
to be healthy. While
some are afraid of being involved in their community
due to
a lack of interactions before their retirement, others are due to
changes in lifestyle. To address this
issue, providing them with working opportunities and organising more community
events will be practical methods.Submitted by takuya13sugimoto on
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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic well and responds to the prompt with a clear focus on the reasons for the isolation of older people and possible solutions. However, to achieve a higher score, you could provide more specific evidence or examples to further illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Continue to refine your logical structure. While the essay flows well, adding more explicit transitions between ideas could enhance clarity and guide the reader more effectively from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear, singular focus. Occasionally, some points seem a bit blended, which can dilute the strength of your argument. Dedicating paragraphs to single ideas can enhance coherence.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly introduces the topic and sets up the structure for the essay, providing a strong foundation for your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
You conclude your essay effectively by summarizing the main points and reiterating the solutions offered. This gives a sense of closure and reinforces your argument.
complete response
The essay presents a compelling discussion on the reasons for the isolation of older people and offers practical solutions, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic.
relevant specific examples
The examples drawn from Japan effectively support your arguments and provide a concrete context to your discussion, making your essay more persuasive and relatable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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