IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In numerous nations, there is a growing trend for individuals to frequently discuss financial matters, such as their earnings or expenditures, in everyday conversation. What are the reasons behind this phenomenon? Is it advantageous or detrimental?

#nations #trend #individuals #matters #earnings #expenditures #conversation #phenomenon
In recent years, most
people
tend
Wrong verb form
have tended
show examples
 to debate about their financial responsibilities. Personally, I insist that there are tremendous benefits
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 circumstance.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 following paragraphs will
be illustrated
Wrong verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 situation and boon
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
: First and foremost, humans around the world need to face high living costs from economic problems. Effects of economic issues that lead to groceries and daily expenditure have been increased.
People
 need to find ways to develop new opportunities in their lives
such
 as new
investment
Fix the agreement mistake
investments
show examples
 or
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 second occupation.
For instance
, most workers have
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
 in
the
Wrong verb form
investing
show examples
investment
 in Bitcoins because they expect that it will be able to improve their financials and reduce their responsibilities from living costs.
As a result
, many employees usually talk with their colleagues to find the best
investment
 options.
Furthermore
, when
people
 discuss their finances, it will improve their management skill to address their budgets. Nowadays, most individuals have various expenditures in each category of their life
such
 as accommodation, routine meals,
transportation
Correct word choice
and transportation
show examples
, even through the expansion of society when they meet their friends. If they learn to manage their money and separate budgets for each type of expenditure, they will be able to cope with circumstances of financial intent.
For example
, if
people
 manage their salary to
investment
Replace the word
invest
show examples
 and
saving
Replace the word
save
show examples
, they will have passive income and an emergency budget that will improve their confidence
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. As I mentioned, there are many reasons why
people
 tend to discuss their finances. Especially, high living costs from economic problems.
However
, that makes
people
 capable of improving their management skills to address these issues.
Submitted by jeebjib14 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is well-structured and focused on a single idea, and include more connectors or linking words to improve the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the introduction and conclusion by clearly stating the main arguments and summarizing your position effectively.
task achievement
Fully develop your main ideas with more detailed and specific examples to enhance the essay’s clarity and depth.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are communicated comprehensively by elaborating on the reasons and providing more supporting details for each point.
task achievement
The essay has clear and relevant examples that support the main points discussed.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is logical and easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic climate
  • social media platforms
  • transparency
  • cultural shifts
  • financial literacy
  • manage finances
  • comparison
  • competition
  • consumerism
  • trust
  • financial matters
  • earnings
  • expenditures
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!