IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

All large companies should provide sports and community facilities to the local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#companies #sports #community #facilities
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Some people believe that building sports and
community
 facilities in the local
community
 should be from all successful corporations. I completely agree with
this
 statement because it can promote the
company
 and is for the betterment of the locals.
To begin
 with, most of the large companies were already profitable,
therefore
 building
ommunity
Correct your spelling
community
 facilities
such
 as covered courts was not a challenge for them. It's an excellent promotional for the
company
, if they are involved in
community
 charity, the
company
 name will be known to the public.
Moreover
, it will boost their sales and services.
For example
, the San Miguel Corporation has been in the market for over a decade now, and they have donated a basketball court to some local
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
they are still successful in the market and the people are still consuming and buying their products , especially men.
Secondly
, providing sports facilities or clinics will be a huge opportunity for the youth, as it promotes health and wellness.
Moreover
, they will be able to develop their skills in a particular activity because they have a place to practice it and develop it.
Although
 giving
this
 kind of donation is time-consuming and a means of financial readiness, it will be worth it in the long run, because not only that the
company
 become popular but it will showcase its philosophy and integrity. In conclusion, all large companies were successful because of the consumers, so giving back to the
community
 is not a big deal, it just means they are thankful to the people.
In addition
, it is a way they strengthen their connections to the locals so that they secure their spot in the market for years.
Submitted by alyssa.cordero22 on

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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the use of cohesive devices to enable smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Consider using linking words such as 'furthermore', 'in addition', and 'consequently'.
task achievement
Elaborate further on the examples given to provide a more compelling argument. This will help in supporting the main points more robustly.
language
Reduce minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Proofreading for common mistakes will enhance the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both well-constructed, clearly stating the opinion and summarizing the arguments effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and complete response to the task, addressing the prompt and offering reasons and relevant examples.
task achievement
The main ideas are clearly presented and supported with relevant specific examples, making the argument convincing on the whole.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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