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Band 6.5

Some parents are thinking about the advantages and disadvantages of having an au pair. discuss some advantages and disadvantages and give your opinion about the au pair domesctic services.

#parents #pair #domesctic #services
Having an Au
Pair
 or not is a question that many families are asking themselves nowadays.
While
 some agree with
this
 service, others prefer to take
care
 of their children on their own. I agree with domestic
care
 services; analyzing both advantages and disadvantages I will explain my position on the matter.
First,
although
 some parents have the opportunity and the time to look after their children, it is not the same for many families in which parents work all day long.
therefore
 in these cases, it is much better to have an extra couple of hands who help with home chores and take
care
 of the babies, as an illustration, my friend Jhon who works in a software company and his lovely wife who runs her own enterprise, they find many benefits from getting an Au
Pair
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 experiencing cultural exchanges with their nanny, their kid is knowing a new language and having the opportunity to be updated with the school's homework that
otherwise
 he couldn't.
On the other hand
, some people disagree with
this
 service because they believe it is unsafe to rely on an unknown person for their children's development,
furthermore
, if most of the workers lack experience in child
care
 like the case in Saudi Arabia where a young girl who was working as an Au
Pair
 was accuse of the death of a little baby.
To conclude
, in my opinion, the advantages of having an Au
Pair
 that could bring
such
 a helpful aid
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 your daily routine and enhance your kids' mental health
overweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
show examples
 its disadvantages.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 you have to be careful in the selection process in order to hire the right person.
Submitted by otiyog on

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task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are fully supported by relevant and specific examples. For instance, you could provide more real-life anecdotes or statistics related to au pair services.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid minor grammar and punctuation errors, such as capitalization at the beginning of sentences and ensuring proper names are spelled consistently (e.g., 'Jhon' should be 'John').
task achievement
You have clearly presented both the advantages and disadvantages of having an au pair, showcasing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You provided specific examples to illustrate your points, such as the case of your friend and the situation in Saudi Arabia, which adds depth to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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