Some people think that more money should be spent on protecting endangered species while others think it is a waste of valuable money. What is your opinion?
Many individuals believe that we should save the nearly extinct
animals
by spending money on them, while
others are of the opinion that it is a waste of wealth.
If we look at it one way, it is our responsibility to protect the animals
as they serve a purposeful duty in this
World by supporting the environment. For instance
, bees are responsible for flower growth as they pollinate the seeds during the collection of nectar for making honey. And if these bees go extinct the growth of flowers would stop which can be devastating to the environment. In order to keep this
going, humans should make an effort to protect them by building safe houses for them and it requires a considerable amount of wealth.
Alternatively, the government can also
introduce other ways to safeguard these creatures by making people aware through awareness programs which do not need a huge amount. For instance
, there should be new subjects added in the schools about the importance of animals
and how to protect them. Besides
, the government should also
reserve some land for these creatures and not allow humans to enter these areas.
In conclusion, preserving animals
is a necessary aspect of life as they are part of an ecosystem; however
, spending a huge amount of money is not necessary for this
. As,
Remove the comma
apply
this
can be achieved by making people know about the importance of animals
in the World by conducting awareness programs. Instead
, this
money could be used for making the infrastructure of the health care centre which could benefit individuals.Submitted by hassan05.quadri on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
To improve your task response, you should ensure that you address both viewpoints more deeply. Discuss the counter-arguments in more detail to show a balanced perspective before presenting your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured, but to enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more linking words and phrases. This will help in creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
You presented clear and comprehensive ideas, showing a good understanding of the topic. Your arguments are articulate and well-explained.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and well-crafted, succinctly introducing and wrapping up your main points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?