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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education center in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these courses

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education center in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these courses
#bar #numbers #men #women #courses #adult #education #center #year #information #ages
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The given charts provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the number of people coming to a variety of
courses
Use synonyms
 offered by an adult education centre in 2009 and the percentage of the
courses
Use synonyms
'
participants
Use synonyms
 divided into 5
age
Use synonyms
 groups.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are more
women
Use synonyms
 who are interested in attending the
courses
Use synonyms
 and most
participants
Use synonyms
 are from older
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 of people (
age
Use synonyms
 50 or above). The number of
women
Use synonyms
 attending language, painting, and drama classes
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 higher than men. In the language class, there are 40 female
participants
Use synonyms
 and only half
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of men attending.
Similarly
Linking Words
, 30
women
Use synonyms
 come to painting class, and only a quarter of men show up. Drama class has a total of 30
participants
Use synonyms
, with 20 of them being
women
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
sculpture
Add an article
the sculpture
show examples
 has 10 male
participants
Use synonyms
 and only 5
women
Use synonyms
. People aged 50 and
more
Correct word choice
older
show examples
 attend the evening
courses
Use synonyms
 than
other
Change the wording
another age group
other age groups
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 group, with just above 42%. Followed by
participants
Use synonyms
betweet
Correct your spelling
between
 the
age
Use synonyms
 of 40-49 with
slighly
Correct your spelling
slightly
 over a quarter. Adults
aging
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 from 30-
39
Change preposition
to 39
show examples
, young adults, and teenagers account
less
Change preposition
for less
show examples
 than 20%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each
categories
Change to a singular noun
category
show examples
.
Submitted by ameliahanakaru01 on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words courses, participants, age, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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