IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Cities are becoming more and more congested and polluted as the number of private cars increases. What are the advantages and disadvantages of owning a car?

#cities #cars #increases #car
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Nowadays, using of private vehicles is seemingly increasing and
due to
Linking Words
 it, pollution is becoming a crucial issue. I believe that the benefits of cars surpass their drawbacks. On the one hand, owning a car has some drawbacks. A particular disadvantage would, in fact, be the sense that it contributes to pollution which is an important problem of the world. Because it mitigates oxygen and raises carbon.
For example
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, The BBC reports that the environmental pollution rate is 15 per cent more than in 2015 because of transport. Because vehicles release greenhouse gases or fumes which have led to climate problems.
Furthermore
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, the
expanding
Replace the word
expansion
show examples
 of automobiles may cause traffic congestion which leads to more stressful public and car crashes. In fact, 214 persons died in crashes during
this
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 year in Sumgayit. Despite above mentioned disadvantages, l contend that the advantages of private transport are considerably greater. Among the tremendous benefits of it is its potential time-saving character. People can travel anywhere they wish with the help of machines in a short time.
Additionally
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, individuals need less money to travel, because automobiles are cheaper than other forms of transportation
such
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 as taxis or trains. In conclusion,
although
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 some problems might be associated with private cars, l do believe that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 more perks.
Submitted by nezerli.x12 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your essay, consider connecting your ideas more seamlessly. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs can be more fluid to enhance readability and coherence.
task achievement
Elaborate further on the examples and ideas presented. For instance, how do cars save time? Can you provide a clearer comparison between costs of private cars and other transportation methods?
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which helps in creating a cohesive structure.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of owning a car. This helps achieve a complete response to the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • schedule flexibility
  • privacy
  • commute
  • environmental pollution
  • traffic congestion
  • maintenance costs
  • fuel costs
  • stress
  • crowded areas
What to do next:
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