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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people argue that when children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough, the children will be sucessful in life. Some think that it will lead to negative pressure on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #sucessful #life #think #pressure
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Children
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 being successful in their lives has been always a debatable topic among people. Some believe that the kids have to be constantly reminded about
things
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 they want to achieve,
while
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 others think that
this
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 creates unnecessary pressure on the
children
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. Both arguments are valid
however
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, in my opinion, regular reminders may make
children
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 lose interest and they tend to be under pressure. The following essay compares both views and provides my opinion on
this
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 topic.
To begin
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 with, when
children
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 want to achieve
things
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 in their life they should put effort and work towards their
goals
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. At times, when they are distracted with
things
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 it is important for parents or other elders to remind them about their plans so that they don't deviate from their
goals
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.
For instance
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, if a child wants to pass a UPC entrance exam, he has to dedicate his time to his studies. If he spends time with digital media or television, the chances of him achieving his goal become difficult. In situations like
this
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, parents should remind the
children
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 so that they can stay focused.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 may lose interest in a particular area in which they wanted to succeed earlier. The constant pressure and reminders from others may make the child feel less confident and make him not put effort into the
goals
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which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 he is really interested
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
This
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 causes the child anxious and afraid to face the world. It is important for parents or well-wishers to motivate the
children
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 on
things
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 which they are interested in rather than constantly being reminded about the
goals
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. In my opinion, it is important for elders to stay with
children
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's decisions and provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support and encouragement to pursue their dreams rather than reminding them regularly.
Submitted by greeshmav91 on

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task achievement
Ensure that main points are clearly and thoroughly supported with detailed examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical progression of ideas. Make sure that each paragraph flows smoothly and logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are well articulated and encapsulate the main argument effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views with your personal opinion clearly stated.
coherence cohesion
Good use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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